Naughty or Nice?

I’m going to be on the radio today!
What should I wear?

All right. I’m giddy. I know that. I always get a bit nervous before any speaking event. Even those on radio, where nobody will be able to see whether I’ve got my favorite lipstick on or not. Or whether I have my lucky scarlet satin panties on under my black velvet skirt. I could be naked on the radio, and nobody would know except me.

Hmmm. There’s a thought.

I didn’t sleep a lot last night. Like I said, I get giddy. "Nervous" is probably the wrong word. I’m excited. Jittery excited. I probably ought to stop drinking coffee.

What am I going to talk about?

Well, I’ve been invited onto Maxim’s "Sex Files" show to discuss why people like to receive erotica for holiday gifts. Or why porn makes the best naughty present to give a lover. I suppose now that I’ve edited two holiday-themed collections (and am currently working on a third) I am sort of the resident expert on Naughty. I like that, actually, as a title.

So. Why porn rather than, say, perfume? Or posters? Or paddles?

That’s easy enough. I mean, in my world, porn is always the appropriate hostess present. Who doesn’t want a shelf filled with smut for the holidays? But why specifically for the holiday season?

I think that Christmastime brings out the naughty side of people. There are so many opportunities to be a bit devious. Holiday parties. Open houses. Dressing rooms at the mall. (Oh, wait. Maybe that's just me.) Places to wear your slightly risqué outfits. Food and liquor to indulge in. Bosses to kiss under mistletoe.

Now, sure, if you’re like me, you indulge all year long. You find yourself at your boyfriend’s ex-wife’s house, with your skirt up and your knickers down. Down? I mean, you know, gone. You grip onto the counter and listen while the two most dominant people you’ve ever met debate how they might best punish you for your cheeky behavior. And whatever they decide, you understand you will have no say in. But that doesn’t really matter, because whatever they decide will turn you on.

There are wooden spoons nearby.
There is a spatula.
You’ve already been thrashed once today. What will befall your poor bottom now?

But if you’re not like me, and you don’t let loose so often, then the holidays are the perfect excuse. To wear stockings with jingle bells sewn in so that your crush can ask you what’s making music, and you can lift your skirt and show off your garters. And your thighs. And your naked, shaved... Excuse me. What was I saying? Oh, yes, the perfect time to nuzzle up to the office Santa and tell him exactly how bad you’ve been—or how bad you’d like to be. Or to do a taste test for mulled wine spices on your lover’s cock. No, wait, that’s from a story in Naughty or Nice!

If you’re more voyeur than exhibitionist, the holidays provide the perfect time to watch others indulge themselves. To spy exactly who is kissing under the mistletoe. To admire the willful behavior of your coworkers or friends before ducking off on your own to fantasize about just what you saw.

Is it the weather?
The chill in the air that brings out the naughty in us?

I don’t think so. Because I live in California. And from the behaviors I’ve observed in San Francisco and Los Angeles, naughty is alive and well in the sunshine as much as in those states socked in with snow. So maybe the holidays are the perfect time for giving smut for another reason. Maybe the holidays are a time when we think about what the past year has brought us and what we would like for the upcoming new year.

In that case, porn provides the possibilities of explaining to a partner exactly what you’d like him or her to do with that peppermint stick. Or pair of red leather cuffs. Or velvety blindfold. Smut can stretch the imagination, and if you get tongue tied about asking for what you want, you can simply dog-ear your favorite pages in a sultry collection and hand over the book to your bedmate.

“Read page 42,” you can say. “And then meet me in the pantry.”

What I like most about editing holiday porn is the range of fantasies that I get to read. Yes, there are the over-Santa’s-lap stories (a personal favorite). But in Naughty or Nice, authors discuss holiday lighting competitions, crossdressing, X-rated Christmas shopping, being caught in a blizzard, running into old crushes…. This collection features extremely naughty Victorian-esque porn, spanking with a fruitcake, and being caught watching a risqué tableau by a handsome stranger.

But I have my own beliefs about porn that I’d like to share. I mean one special belief that I have boiled down to a single motto. Wanna hear?

Naughty. It’s not just for Christmas anymore.

XXX,
Alison

You better watch out
You better not cry
Better not pout
I'm telling you why