Let's go slow. Let's go fast.
“No.”
I said the word out loud. I didn’t mean to. I couldn’t help myself. Alex’s laugher had completely dissolved. I couldn’t believe that mere moments before, the startling sound of his laughter had filled the room. Claudine stood staring down at him, hand on his chin, but when she heard me speak, she turned her attention to me.
“You have something to say?” Claudine’s voice was soft, yet dangerous. Today the woman’s menacing attitude was palpable. There was nothing hostess-like about her. She was 100% Dom.
Still, I wasn’t addressing her, and I wouldn’t give her the respect of meeting her gaze. I was focused solely on Jack. “No,” I said, watching him, the way he looked. So handsome. Stripped to the waist, now. Muscles taut. Body tense. He didn’t seem surprised at all by my reaction to this unexpected turn of events, but he didn’t appear displeased, either.
The best Tops are those who have had the experience bottoming. I’ve read that over and over. But I didn’t have any desire to see Jack bottom for Claudine. I couldn’t stand the thought of her in charge of him, of her hurting him. And yet, though I couldn’t stand it, I could already visualize the picture. A belt in her hand? No. It wouldn’t be a belt. The stupid fucking slapper she used on Sylvain? No. Jack would require a special device—a quirt? A crop? A cane?
I felt ill. My head spinning. Claudine hadn’t moved, and I realized that all of my thoughts were coming rapidly. What felt like minutes passing were merely seconds. Flash fire images burning through my brain. And those words, neon-bright in my mind.
“No. Jack. Don’t. Jack. Please. Jack.”
Alex, handcuffs still on, turned toward me, tried to calm me with his body. Tried to shield me in some way from Claudine. He knew her a hell of a lot better than I did. I understood that. But I knew Jack. I thought I did, at least. And I couldn’t let him, couldn’t figure out why, couldn’t comprehend…
He wasn’t moving. Wasn’t speaking. Simply stood there, bare to the waist, and looked at me. And then his eyes went to Claudine, and I thought I saw him nod.
Jesus. What sort of signal was that? Why type of plan had they formulated? Why did she know things that I did not?
She was in motion, then, gripping Sylvain up. Speaking to him in a hushed voice, watching as he slid off the bed, headed naked and clearly at ease out the door. Where was he going? What was he getting?
I blinked away the tears, staring from one person to the next, trying to understand.
Alex continued in his attempts to soothe me, hands now on my body, handcuff chain clinking. “You don’t know,” he was saying. “You don’t really see…”
“What?” I wasn’t whispering, wouldn’t be quiet.
He half-shrugged, looking apologetic for no reason at all. “What they’re like,” he said next. “I mean, what they were like.” Talking like that with Claudine and Jack both in the room. As if they couldn’t hear.
“I don’t care,” I said. “I don’t care what they had or what they were to each other…”
“You didn’t mind last night.”
My head felt as if it would split open. Was I being a hypocrite for not wanting to watch this? For not wanting to see Claudine hurt Jack? Because somehow I did understand. Fuck, of course I did. He was going to show her what he was made of. He was going to show her that the end of their relationship hadn’t broken him. And he was going to show her all of this with his brute strength.
Their wedding bands might have been moldering in some forgotten drawer, but their ghosts were far from dead.
Alex was petting me, crooning to me, so that I lost my focus for a sliver of time. Lost myself for the second it took for Claudine to come forward, an extra set of cuffs in her hands. I was pulling then, straining away from Alex, whose hands on mine had suddenly become less soothing and more restraining. My eyes were wide, my body tense, thinking “Traitor. Why?" But he just gripped my hands and held tight, so that Claudine could get the cuffs on my wrists easily. Yet I could still move. I could still leave.
But would I leave?
Would I flee from the room and leave Jack alone with his ex? Alone to be hurt by her. Alone to be whipped by her.
I start and end with the same word today:
No.
XXX,
Alison
Oh yeah, it's rollercoaster time
Lovin' you is really wild
Oh, it's just a love rollercoaster
Step right up and get your tickets
—Chili Peppers
I said the word out loud. I didn’t mean to. I couldn’t help myself. Alex’s laugher had completely dissolved. I couldn’t believe that mere moments before, the startling sound of his laughter had filled the room. Claudine stood staring down at him, hand on his chin, but when she heard me speak, she turned her attention to me.
“You have something to say?” Claudine’s voice was soft, yet dangerous. Today the woman’s menacing attitude was palpable. There was nothing hostess-like about her. She was 100% Dom.
Still, I wasn’t addressing her, and I wouldn’t give her the respect of meeting her gaze. I was focused solely on Jack. “No,” I said, watching him, the way he looked. So handsome. Stripped to the waist, now. Muscles taut. Body tense. He didn’t seem surprised at all by my reaction to this unexpected turn of events, but he didn’t appear displeased, either.
The best Tops are those who have had the experience bottoming. I’ve read that over and over. But I didn’t have any desire to see Jack bottom for Claudine. I couldn’t stand the thought of her in charge of him, of her hurting him. And yet, though I couldn’t stand it, I could already visualize the picture. A belt in her hand? No. It wouldn’t be a belt. The stupid fucking slapper she used on Sylvain? No. Jack would require a special device—a quirt? A crop? A cane?
I felt ill. My head spinning. Claudine hadn’t moved, and I realized that all of my thoughts were coming rapidly. What felt like minutes passing were merely seconds. Flash fire images burning through my brain. And those words, neon-bright in my mind.
“No. Jack. Don’t. Jack. Please. Jack.”
Alex, handcuffs still on, turned toward me, tried to calm me with his body. Tried to shield me in some way from Claudine. He knew her a hell of a lot better than I did. I understood that. But I knew Jack. I thought I did, at least. And I couldn’t let him, couldn’t figure out why, couldn’t comprehend…
He wasn’t moving. Wasn’t speaking. Simply stood there, bare to the waist, and looked at me. And then his eyes went to Claudine, and I thought I saw him nod.
Jesus. What sort of signal was that? Why type of plan had they formulated? Why did she know things that I did not?
She was in motion, then, gripping Sylvain up. Speaking to him in a hushed voice, watching as he slid off the bed, headed naked and clearly at ease out the door. Where was he going? What was he getting?
I blinked away the tears, staring from one person to the next, trying to understand.
Alex continued in his attempts to soothe me, hands now on my body, handcuff chain clinking. “You don’t know,” he was saying. “You don’t really see…”
“What?” I wasn’t whispering, wouldn’t be quiet.
He half-shrugged, looking apologetic for no reason at all. “What they’re like,” he said next. “I mean, what they were like.” Talking like that with Claudine and Jack both in the room. As if they couldn’t hear.
“I don’t care,” I said. “I don’t care what they had or what they were to each other…”
“You didn’t mind last night.”
My head felt as if it would split open. Was I being a hypocrite for not wanting to watch this? For not wanting to see Claudine hurt Jack? Because somehow I did understand. Fuck, of course I did. He was going to show her what he was made of. He was going to show her that the end of their relationship hadn’t broken him. And he was going to show her all of this with his brute strength.
Their wedding bands might have been moldering in some forgotten drawer, but their ghosts were far from dead.
Alex was petting me, crooning to me, so that I lost my focus for a sliver of time. Lost myself for the second it took for Claudine to come forward, an extra set of cuffs in her hands. I was pulling then, straining away from Alex, whose hands on mine had suddenly become less soothing and more restraining. My eyes were wide, my body tense, thinking “Traitor. Why?" But he just gripped my hands and held tight, so that Claudine could get the cuffs on my wrists easily. Yet I could still move. I could still leave.
But would I leave?
Would I flee from the room and leave Jack alone with his ex? Alone to be hurt by her. Alone to be whipped by her.
I start and end with the same word today:
No.
XXX,
Alison
Oh yeah, it's rollercoaster time
Lovin' you is really wild
Oh, it's just a love rollercoaster
Step right up and get your tickets
—Chili Peppers
posted by Alison Tyler at 6:13 AM
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