July 15, 2008

Kama Sutra: I Wrote the Book

No, really, I did. Well, not the entire book. Not the whole 36 chapters, or anything. But I was recently hired to write a portion of the book. To demonstrate how methods of the Kama Sutra could still be sexy and viable in modern society.

This was one of my best jobs. Ever. The offer came in on a Wednesday and the work was due on Monday. My number one skill, I like to say, is that I'm quick. (All right, so there are authors out there who have waited years for me to respond to a story—but that's only when deadlines get shifted around. I mean, I'm a fast writer. And that's what this job required.)

My editor and I got on right away. She gave me jumping off points, and I wrote the 18 different 300-word articles based on her suggestions. Honestly, I know that I live in a strange world, where someone I have never met in person will send me an email like:

“On the Auparishtaka, or Mouth Congress”—a section on oral pleasure should be straightforward enough here. We don’t have to really get into the eunuch stuff. The description of a eunuch giving a blow job *is* kind of nice however: “when, in the same way, he puts the half of it into his mouth, and forcibly kisses and sucks it, this is called ‘sucking the mango fruit.’”


“Having dressed the daughters of their nurses, or their female friends, or their female attendants, like men, they accomplish their object by means of bulbs, roots, and fruits having the form of the lingam, or they lie down upon the statue of a male figure, in which the lingam is visible and erect.”

And the note from my editor as the jumping off point: Dildos anyone?

We had a stellar rapport from the start. When she asked me to do a slight revise on one of my more X-rated riffs (I started the book off with the word 'fuck' in the opening sentence), she added: "it's amazing your emails make it through - I don't know how that is possible!!! Hilarious."

I love that.

But the best part? Turns out that my editor wrote a book about cocktails. I own two books on cocktails. One was by her. Isn't that too effing cool?


P.S. Do not forget to tell me about the time you stole the Kama Sutra—or anything else—here.


jothemama said...

Unless we're reading Cry To Heaven by Anne Rice - so beautifully trashy!

Jeremy Edwards said...

Kama-gratulations, Ali-sutra!

I stole the Kama Sutra (well, just the Crab position, really). But I did it while disguised as Rudyard Kipling, so he's the one who gets the dirty looks from the lady behind the counter at the Kama Sutra store.

Isabel Kerr said...

Everything I am today may go back to having found my (single) mother's fold out wallet size version when I was, oh, eleven, say. You know, the kind that flips down accordion fashion. It was illustrations only however.