December 31, 2008

"I Never Realized I'd Married Such a Nympho"


This email came in response to reading Never Have the Same Sex Twice. I'm delighted the reader sent me the letter, and truly grateful she's allowed me to post her piece:

Two years ago I was semi-happily married to a man who seemed to have had enough of me. He barely touched me except to innitiate a little in-and-out right before falling asleep a couple times a week. He'd become a gamer and it was like the real world ceased to exist for him when he played. He took care of our finances, worked his job, and expected me to be happy with that providence.

I wasn't. I purchased books and toys, talked to him, lost weight, changed my wardrobe, my habits, went back to the hair color he liked- nothing got his attention. After a particularly lonely dry spell (nearly 4 weeks is long so far as I'm concerned) I went as far as to stand right behind him sitting at his desk, naked and oiled up, whispering naughty suggestions in his ear- only to be completely ignored for a good 5 minutes before he asked me if I could just wait till he finished the battle he was helping his guild buddies with. I went to bed to wait and fell asleep a few hours later, still alone.

The next day while he was at work I wrote a love letter. I wrote it to his hands from my body. I told his hands all about I missed them and could remember all the wonderful things they had done to me, how I loved them and would do just about anything to feel them on me again- warm and firm, gentle or rough didn't matter, I just wanted them. It went on for 4 pages and was explicit in ways I'd never had the courage to be before in my life. I thought maybe it was a little too melodramatic, too poetic and lovey dovey, but I've never been ashamed of my writing and I wasn't about to start then. I emailed it to him and waited in our bedroom when he got home from work and sat at his computer like every other day. He always checked his email first so I was surprised when after about 20 minutes I heard the game sounds of swords clashing start up. Miffed, I went out to see if he'd checked his email and was surprised to see him sitting at the computer looking furious, pounding away at the keyboard and mouse, ordering his character to destroy whatever foe was on the screen. When I asked him what was wrong, for the first time in weeks he immediately turned from the computer toward the sound of my voice and launched into a tyraid about how completely insulting and degrading that letter had been and where did I get off telling him that we don't have enough sex and why the hell didn't I try to work and come home every night to someone nagging me when all I want to do is relax. I got angry at first and pointed out that it had been almost a month since we'd had sex and at first that seemed to stop his rage, but a moment later he spat out at me, "Well I'm sorry I can't keep up with your insatiable need for attention and fucking. I never realized I'd married such a nympho." I'm surprised the pain that inflicted wasn't accompanied by an audible crack as he broke me. Nympho had been his pet name for me in highschool (yes, highschool sweethearts) but the disgust and mockery in the word that day split me in half.

We've been divorced almost a year now and I've come a long way. I've accepted that I like sex and that it isn't wrong, but I always hated myself for that letter- thinking it probably was degrading and maybe if I'd tried something else things could have worked out. It was one of those things I just couldn't forgive myself for... until Chapter 6 of Never Have the Same Sex Twice. I'm not a freak. Or if I am, it's a good thing. I have nothing to forgive myself for.

Thank you so much for this book, for putting your ideas out there for all of us. Just the good you've done for me is immeasurable.


Honestly, I'm a bit speechless. As I was reading the email, I kept hoping that the man would come around. But in a way, I knew he wouldn't. I've been in a relationship like this. I was 18, and so confused when my beau explained his lack of libido by saying he "loved me like a sister." This letter took me back nearly 20 years, because I did everything the writer did. I wore my hair straight for him, rather than curly. I chose the type of clothes he preferred, rather than my own thrift-store funky style. I wore his favorite perfume, instead of being the chameleon I truly am and changing daily. I did every fucking thing I could, and I've written a slew of stories about my failed attempt. It was only when other men started showing me interest that I realized I wasn't viciously and hideously unattractive.

I'm sure this reader will have her own Happily Ever After.
Hopefully, with a man who will consider "Nympho" a compliment!

XXX,
Alison

9 comments:

MB (Leah) said...

Wow! That story hit me in places I never knew I had.

Anonymous said...

Thank you for posting that. It's very moving and empowering. Good for her for moving on. And good for all of us that you have written and edited all of these amazing books.

Happy New Year, Alison. I wish you a creative and prosperous 2009, which is a bit selfish, because we all benefit from those things, too.

- Jessica

Angell said...

Thanks for posting that Alison. I'm glad she found out exactly how mis-matched a pair they were.

Have a Happy New year and may 2009 bring you more successes and triumphs (and may you continue posting for all of us to enjoy with you!!)

GIANT HUGS.

Anonymous said...

WoW, a real eye opener. nuff said.

EllaRegina said...

Wow. Just wow!

Thank you for posting that.

Marina said...

Wow - thanks for this post, Alison. I'm also glad she has moved on.

I hope 2009 brings much more peace and happiness to all!

Smut Girl said...

I too was hoping that the story would turn and the man would pull his head out of his ass and realize what a treasure he had in a woman who wanted to be intimate and kinky and close to him. Alas, he was too dumb to see what he had. My wish for your reader is to find that guy. And he's out there. The one who says, baby, i'm so lucky to have found an eager little nympho like you. And then do her senseless for many years to come. Pun totally intended.
XOXO
Sommer

Neve Black said...

"Semi-happily married?" Boy, if that isn't telling, eh?

I've been in one of those, "You think I'm a nympho?" situations myself. The toughest part is realizing that it isn't you. The greatest is finding someone that gets you - crazy, nympho sex and all.

Very touching. Thank you for sharing, AT.

Robin Elizabeth said...

Just before midnight on New Year's Eve and I read this and yeah - wow. I have so much more to say, but I had not intended to find myself floored. Maybe more tomorrow. Thanks for posting that - I have several friends I may point in the direction - "this letter is for you"