I have two friends who are Girl Scout Troop Leaders. No, really. It’s true. I know, you think a trollop as naughty as I am could never be friends with someone as pure as a Girl Scout Leader. But they’re loose, these friends of mine. They’re slatternly troop leaders.
I’m kidding. They’re swell. And they like me anyway.
Here is my story. One of my friends was selling cookies today at a Walmart. A woman came up to her and said, "I don't support the Girl Scouts. Because you support homosexuality.” Now, my friend misheard the woman and thought she’d said, “Because you *don’t* support homosexuality.” So she replied. “Yes, we do.”
The woman said, “I know you do. It's on your web page. You support individuality and diversity. And my religion is against that."
My friend told me afterward, “It was a serial killer kind of thing. She looked like a totally normal person.” Yet she was vile. I love my friend. She simply nodded and smiled until the woman left, and when her daughter asked, “What’s homosexuality?” she replied, “It’s when a woman loves another woman. Or when a man loves another man.” Her daughter said, “Okay,” and went back to hawking cookies.
Because of this exchange, I am giving away Shortbreads. Which happen to go really well when dipped in white wine. But that's just me. They'd probably also go nicely dipped in a Dirty Girl Scout. I don’t know how many boxes of Shortbreads I’m giving away. And I don’t even know what you have to do to win one. I just feel the knee-jerk need to wash away the meanness of the anti-Girl Scout Walmart customer.
So come on. Dip in.
P.S. If you want to read a really filthy Girl Scout type story, check out Teresa Joseph's story "I Promise to Do My Best" in Love at First Sting.
P.P.S. No, really. My friends like me. They do. I swear.