March 14, 2009

Dirty Girl Scouts

I have two friends who are Girl Scout Troop Leaders. No, really. It’s true. I know, you think a trollop as naughty as I am could never be friends with someone as pure as a Girl Scout Leader. But they’re loose, these friends of mine. They’re slatternly troop leaders.

I’m kidding. They’re swell. And they like me anyway.

Here is my story. One of my friends was selling cookies today at a Walmart. A woman came up to her and said, "I don't support the Girl Scouts. Because you support homosexuality.” Now, my friend misheard the woman and thought she’d said, “Because you *don’t* support homosexuality.” So she replied. “Yes, we do.”

The woman said, “I know you do. It's on your web page. You support individuality and diversity. And my religion is against that."

My friend told me afterward, “It was a serial killer kind of thing. She looked like a totally normal person.” Yet she was vile. I love my friend. She simply nodded and smiled until the woman left, and when her daughter asked, “What’s homosexuality?” she replied, “It’s when a woman loves another woman. Or when a man loves another man.” Her daughter said, “Okay,” and went back to hawking cookies.

Because of this exchange, I am giving away Shortbreads. Which happen to go really well when dipped in white wine. But that's just me. They'd probably also go nicely dipped in a Dirty Girl Scout. I don’t know how many boxes of Shortbreads I’m giving away. And I don’t even know what you have to do to win one. I just feel the knee-jerk need to wash away the meanness of the anti-Girl Scout Walmart customer.

So come on. Dip in.


P.S. If you want to read a really filthy Girl Scout type story, check out Teresa Joseph's story "I Promise to Do My Best" in Love at First Sting.
P.P.S. No, really. My friends like me. They do. I swear.


Jeremy Edwards said...

Knowing that the present-day Girl Scouts are pro-diversity and anti-bigotry makes me want to go buy a truckload of cookies! (And I don't even eat cookies.)

Alison Tyler said...

Yeah. That's what I'm saying, too. I mean, read this if you want to be just horrified by conservatives.

And yeah, I'm taking a risk here. I suppose I'm going to piss off all of my conservative readers... and then she laughed so hard she nearly peed.


Shanna Germain said...

Your friends don't like you. They love you.

We'd start a fan club if we could.

T-shirts and all!

Now, gimme mah cookies, bee-otch!


Erobintica said...

all of my conservative readers

*wonders how many conservative readers AT has*

well, next time I see Girl Scouts selling cookies, I'll buy a box - (I shouldn't eat cookies either - though I just had a homemade brownie).

this makes me proud to have been a GS (still have my uniform and sash hanging in a closet - honest)

Alison Tyler said...

Yay! Cookies all around. Thanks for stopping by!

I hope you guys like Shortbread. Thin mints are pretty yummy, too. Especially, frozen... Oh, god. I'm starting to get hungry all of a sudden.


Smut Girl said...

jesus. people are so afraid that other people might be happy. god.

white wine? who are you? I will pretend you said red wine. red. wine.

good for your friend! and you! and cookies. Mmmm. I lurve cookies! ;)

jothemama said...

We don't have girl scout cookies here.

But, dipping one in a dirty girlscout? THAT may be the dirtiest thing I've ever heard :D

Funny, I would have misunderstood the bigotted lady too, expecting her to be on the side of acceptance.


jothemama said...

God, Ijust read the article. 'The Waco Herald Tiribune' - snort!

'Feminist training corps' - snorter!

Alison Tyler said...

Jo! You found the same line in the conservative article that made me laugh out loud!

I'm hoping shortbreads will make it to Ireland. I don't think they'll compete with anything you can bake, though.


T. Elle Harrison said...

I wonder why conservatives always think it's okay to run around spouting off their conservative BS in everyone's faces? And they call us the loons. Feminist training camps? Why is that a bad thing? I thought we wanted our daughters to be strong, independent and intelligent? So should we send them all to church so they can learn to be submissive wives and self sacrificing mothers?

I just don't understand people...I'm going out to buy some girl scout cookies right now.

jothemama said...

Aw shucks, Alison!

Exactly Elle.

Nicola O. said...

You can make that tally 3, Alison, if you want to count a new-ish but dedicated reader.

The Girl Scouts really can't win on this topic. Leadership has issued numerous statements to the effect that they do not reject leaders or scouts on the basis of orientation. Scouts are also allowed to substitute for the word "God" in the GS Pledge or to leave it out, as they prefer.

Because of this, they consistently lose membership in more conservative areas. It's ironic (and sad) that attempting to be inclusive actually excludes a large population of girls.

Erobintica said...

just bought a box of thin mints in front of the grocery store

Jeremy Edwards said...

It's ironic (and sad) that attempting to be inclusive actually excludes a large population of girls.

And the anti-diversity people are really the ones excluding themselves (and, alas, their poor kids). No one's forcing them out (or forcing them to love or believe, or pretend to love or believe, differently from what feels right to them as a condition of staying)—even though that's exactly what they want to do to others.

It's like everyone is eating at one big table in a restaurant, and the pro-diversity people say each person gets to order whatever he or she wants. But the religious-right person wants to order for the whole table, and instead of just saying "I won't be happy if you make me eat something I don't like," says, "I won't be happy unless I can make everyone eat what I eat. And if I can't do that, I'm leaving."

Alison Tyler said...

I'm eating Erobintica's thin mints.

EllaRegina said...

Someone against individuality and diversity. Oh. Man.

People like that make me lose hope about my fellow humans.


The haters!

The little girl sounds way cool, though. I'm not worried about her. Phew!

How many boxes can I order?

EllaRegina said...


Did I mention that I love the word slattern? No, I think not.

Anonymous said...

For those of you that don't eat cookies but want to support your local girl scouts (those crazy girls and their leaders who support such awful things as individuality and diversity ::gasp!::), you can ask about their Cookies for a Cause. Our troop is donating these donated boxes to our local food bank.

I was totally and completely a shocked peach when that woman said that to me. All the more horrifying that it was in front of my daughter and another young scout!

Alison, you're the best!! And, about those Shortbreads, they are DIVINE dipped in dark chocolate! You can make your own black and white cookie (I love that seinfeld episode - "Oh look Elaine, the black and white cookie. I love the black and white. Two races of flavor living side by side. It's a wonderful thing isn't it?").

Angell said...

LOL. I can't believe the amount of prejudice and ignorance in the world.

I was raised Catholic. Staunch Catholic. ITALIAN Catholic. But after my cousin came out of the closet, we thought we'd never be able to tell my seventy eight year old grandmother. Until the day she looked at my mother and said "I think Pat is gay. Meh - what are you gonna do? There are more important things to worry about."

Turns out, you can change anyone's opinion, if you give it enough time.

Bought some Girl Scout cookies while across the border this weekend.

But I want YOUR cookies (does that sounds as rude and sexual as I hope it does?)

Suzanne said...

On my honor I will try
To serve the Goddess
And my country
to Help people at all times
and to live by the Girl Scout Law!

I love GS cookies! And I love them more now that I know this!

*goes to rummage through the cupboard for Thin Mints*

Nicola O. said...

It's ironic (and sad) that attempting to be inclusive actually excludes a large population of girls.

And the anti-diversity people are really the ones excluding themselves (and, alas, their poor kids). No one's forcing them out

No disagreement here. But it *is* those girls (and their neighbors) who suffer. So the national org really tries to tread a middle ground. They get flack from gay rights groups for not being "pro" enough; typically the org's official statement is along the lines of "we do not descriminate nor endorse (etc)".

By attempting to tread a neutral line and not alienating more conservative families, we have a better chance of exposing more girls to the concept of being "a sister to every girl scout." Which I think is being a part of the solution, you know?

I feel compelled to add that these are my own opinions and I do not speak on behalf of the WWGGG. ;)

Alison Tyler said...

I have to say, NO, that I have a fear of the "it's all for the kids" argument. Someone published a letter with that point in the newspaper last fall. It was in favor of Prop 8 — the ban on gay marriage — and the theme was, "Think about the kids!"

I believe the girl scout stance is that nobody is turned away based on sexual orientation. The conservative articles I have read have said that parents have removed their daughters from the troops based on the Girl Scouts' unwillingness to take a stand against homosexuality.

So it's not enough to be neutral. Conservatives want GS to be against gays.


Jeremy Edwards said...

Hey, Nicola. I want to say first that I'm glad we can have this kind of dialogue here at AT's. I'm interested in what you have to say, and I hope you won't take it personally if I offer a little more of my perspective. Please know that my social criticisms are not personal! : )

The thing is, I question the idea that giving equal consideration to the positions of civil-rights advocates, on the one hand, and people who want to restrict the civil rights of certain groups, on the other hand, constitutes a neutral position.

I think that idea is widespread in our society, and that the media probably tends to present things that way: that LGBT-rights advocates vs. their opponents is this sort of symmetrical balance around the "center." As if it were like people who want coffee with their breakfasts vs. people who want tea, with the middle path being to accommodate both camps equally.

But I feel strongly that this is an illusion. It's not coffee vs. tea. It's "you can drink what you want" versus "I get to control what you drink." Or, to drop my dorky metaphor, it's people who think we all have the right to make our own private, personal choices (and to be who we naturally are) versus people who want to exclude certain people for the private, personal choices they make (or for who they naturally are). It's the spirit of a free society versus the spirit of discrimination. I mean, everyone's entitled to an opinion—people even have the right to think racist thoughts, in their minds (as much as it disturbs me to know that they do), as long as they don't translate that into public behavior or policy—but I don't think giving the civil-rights and discrimination positions equal public weight constitutes a true middle ground in our society.

I don't know if I'm explaining this well, so let me go a little further with the dorky metaphor: Balance would be "I'm over here and I'm going to have coffee" vs. "I'm over there and I'm going to have tea." But when someone wants to climb over onto another person's end of the seesaw and interfere with that person's beverage choice, then I think that's aggression, not balance. And giving the person who wants to control what others do the same consideration as the person who wants to respect what others do is, to some extent, to permit bullying and to give bigotry respectability.

And if this were about race rather than sexual preference, I don't think any mainstream organization would attempt to accommodate the civil-rights advocates and the discrimination advocates equally. Personally, I'm eager for the day when it's generally recognized that full equality regardless of sexual preference (and of belief or nonbelief choices) turns on the same principles as full equality regardless of race.

Thank you for listening! : )

Alison Tyler said...

Wow, JE. You didn't take the words out of my mouth, because I couldn't have spoken so eloquently if you'd paid me. (I had a difficult time even spelling "discriminate" correctly.) But you made what I was trying to formulate in my mind come out totally crystal clear.

It's coffee for me, all the way.
I never got the tea thing at all.


Anonymous said...

As a Girl Scout Leader, a delegate for our council, and on the Service Board, I can say that we accept every girl everywhere. That is an important part of Girl Scouts and one of the reasons I'm a leader. I have some girls from very very conservative families and then there is my daughter who comes from a very VERY liberal family. Respecting others is part of the GS law. So is making the world a better place and being a sister to every girl scout. We try hard in our troop to live this. Wow - who'd've thought that Alison would have all of this on her blog? ::smile::

Alison Tyler said...

Maybe they'll make me an honorary (Dirty) Girl Scout!


JM Stone said...

What a wonderful discussion!

It's amazing that people will take things like that out on their kids. Amazingly disturbing, and oh so sad.

I wish I could add something deep and thoughtful, but Jeremy did it so well, so eloquently, and so thoroughly, that I don't know how I could!

My husband and I buy GS cookies whenever we see the girls out selling them. It's the least we can do until we have girls that can be a part of a troop.

I loved being a girl scout(I have my sash, vest and all too, Robin!) and think membership is a good thing for girls.

Jeremy Edwards said...

[Blushing the color of a cookie that fell in a vat of raspberry icing. : )]