April 30, 2009

Sex With a Stranger


I used to have a postcard that said "Sex With Strangers In the Middle of the Night." I have torn apart boxes looking for this postcard. No idea why. There was no picture. Just text. But I adored the card. According to Rita Watson, Love and Marriage Examiner, It happens more than we realize. (Sex with strangers, that is. Not crazily tearing through old boxes in the futile search for postcards from the 80s.) Her article discusses sex on the fly with a cute girl (or guy), and then hits Frenzy with this:

As “Frenzy: 60 stories of sudden sex” edited by Alison Tyler shows us, it can happen anywhere, not just Paris. As it says on the back of the book, “What happens when desire trumps restraint, and a seeming innocent glance triggers a red-hot, clothes in a heap quickie.”

I have had sex in Paris. Yes. And in Italy. And, um, Cleveland. But I think all of my sex with a stranger(s) has happened in Los Angeles. I'm wracking my brain here. I almost had sex with a stranger in Manhattan once. Damn, I think I'd have to define "stranger" before I commit to making statements of fact. Or maybe I need to define "sex."

In a journal from a million years ago, I actually kept track via different columns: Kissed. Went Down On. Fucked.

Oh, dear. Am I the only person who's done this? It got awfully quiet right then. At least, it did in my head.

How about you? Sex with a stranger? In Paris or out? Is sex only in and out? That boy in Manhattan. We canoodled quite a bit. He didn't blow me. But he blew on me. His breath on my neck. On my belly. On my thighs. It was one of the sexiest nights I ever had without actually having sex. Unless we had sex. It's up to your internal Webster's.

What do you think?

XXX,
Alison

P.S. Comment, and you just might win a button. A Camus button. I am patting myself on the fucking back today, boys and girls. Yes, I am.

32 comments:

jothemama said...

Well, my husband's a bit of a stranger to me at the moment,hahahaha, she laughs darkly.

Does meeting someone and going home with them count?

Or the mutual groping with the guy behind me in thefront row of a gig once. That was cool,I never knew what he looked like, but my friend assured me he was hot.

jothemama said...

PS, I thought Albert Camus was Bogart in those pictures at first glance!

Alison Tyler said...

There is something very Bogart-y about a few of the shots. And I will say that mutual groping at a gig sounds fabulous to me. What was the concert?

XXX,
AT

Erobintica said...

um, trying to define stranger - don't know name or just met and don't know hardly a damn think about them?

Alison Tyler said...

I had sex at a party once. I only knew his first name. Does that count? I know it counts as sex. But does it count as a stranger?

We actually did it on the coats.
Cliche as it sounds.

He'd started the evening by saying he liked my neck. Why have I never forgotten the feel of his fingers there?

XXX,
AT

Anonymous said...

Morning AT,
I've been muzzled. No more commenting from work. You've become infamous. You blog can't pop up on Big Brother's site list. Yours, Sommers, Emeralds, and, well, any of the Blow Hard Tour members. Or mine. But, I can still read the blog through Google Reader(cool, no?). So...my comment is coming via email!

Nope. No stranger sex here. Well, maybe? I guess I need that "stranger" definition too. I jumped my husband the minute I met him, but we had met online, talked over the phone, been vetted by friends. Does that count?

I can count on one hand the number of people I've been intimate in any fashion with, so definitely no stranger sex. And definitely no journal.

I'm an innocent gal, I am.

*polishes her halo and perches it back upon her horns*

Look for comments by bottle and smoke signal next.

~J

***
Posted via email.

Erobintica said...

Poor Jen - muzzled!

Well, according to my dictionary widgit, a stranger is "a person whom one does not know or with whom one is not familiar" or "a person who does not know, or is not known in, a particular place or community."

Okay. So, I guess there are total strangers or practical strangers - I would think it would be impossible to have sex with a total stranger because once you've looked at each other...

getting too confusing?

so, I'll say for me - in the practical stranger catagory - yes - met a guy at a party, went back to his friend's place - had sex multiple times without knowing hardly anything about each other (names, occupations) - we did date a few times after that (he traced me through his friend's friend who'd invited him to the party) - guess that's as close as I've ever gotten.

Alison Tyler said...

Multiple Times Without Knowing His Name. I don't know. Maybe it's just me. But I think there's something throbbingly sexy about that...

XXX,
AT

T. Elle Harrison said...

What if it's a guy you were crushing on for a long time but only knew his name? Does that count as a stranger?
Kudos on the journal bit, AT. I would have never been brave enought to make an entry like that. I don't have a problem being honest with other people but when it comes to being honest with myself I shrink and hide in the corner, lol.

Erobintica said...

hahaha, I meant we had introduced ourselves and exchanged what we did (me student, him fireman)

Alison Tyler said...

Hmmm. That's even more interesting to me. I wonder if the brutally honest folks are less honest with themselves, and the little white liars can share the cold hard facts with the reflection in the mirror...

I have to say that while I am (or was) very good at white lying to other people, I think I'm fairly brutal with myself. Sometimes too brutal.

XXX,
AT

Marina said...

Hmm - I've had some strange sex, but no stranger sex. (Maybe there's no sex stranger than stranger sex, and I've really missed out!)

Alison Tyler said...

P.S. I cross posted with you, E. I like the way that sounds, too:

me student
him fireman

Very Tarzan-ish, don't you think?

XXX,
AT

Heidi Champa said...

I have to go back a ways, but I can remember one in particular.

I hooked up with a guy on the second day of college, before classes began. I barely knew his name. I went to class on monday. And, who should plop down a few seats away, but my mystery man. It was a little awkward. But, fun.

Sometimes, I miss those days.

Alison Tyler said...

Ha! And now I've cross-posted with Marina... There's no sex stranger than stranger sex.

I love that!

XXX,
Alison

Alison Tyler said...

Clearly, I'm off my rhythm today. Or I'm marching to a beat of some drummer halfway around the world.

I think I'd like to read the rest of your story, Heidi. Because it sounds like the opening doesn't it? First you see the people in class together—then flashback—then flash forward.

Did any of you see this film? (I know Tessa did.) Sort of reminds me of that.

XXX,
AT

neve black said...

I have to say, I just love the book Frenzy. I pick it up from time to time for a quicky.

I have kept track of lovers via a journal in the past, and yes, there has been a few occassions when I've succumbed to having sex with a stranger, or knowing it was a one time deal.

I'm impressed with your detailed columns: Kissed, Went down on, Fucked. If I could remember their name (oh, God. Did I just admit that? It appears I did)I'd be happy.

Here's a sad note: I've been fortunate enough to travel to Europe a few times and I didn't have sex. I know. I know. It's crazy if you think about it. I try not to, or else I end up bruising my shins...(kicking myself). I guess it gives me something to put on the "sex do" list, huh?

Nice post, AT. :-)

Smut Girl said...

yes, stranger sex. I even remember his name. and his house. and when we were laying in the middle of the hardwood floor and i said:

"Who's shoes are those?"

"My wife's."

oops.

that is the only stranger i can think of. give me ten minutes. there may be others.

oh wait! i thought of another one. he was a cowboy. no shit. how could you not fuck a cowboy? he was the first guy ever to throw my very long legs over his shoulders while he was actually...am I oversharing?

xoxo
s

Alison Tyler said...

There's no such thing as oversharing when cowboy sex is involved. And thanks so much for the compliment, Neve! I love that you love Frenzy!

XXX,
AT

Confidant said...

I'm fascinated by the idea that sex with strangers "happens more than we realize," in the sense that it might happen to oneself more than one realizes. Remember how in the film Single White Female the guy accidentally has sex with his gal's stalker/impersonator? Had the bedside table lamp been a watt or two dimmer, he might never have known. And anyone who experiences "lost time," perhaps through drunkenness or alien abduction, may have had sex with any number of strangers. Sorry -- this comment has turned eerie and disturbing, which wasn't my intention! ;-)

Heidi Champa said...

I did see that movie Alison, I love Aaron Eckhart. Maybe I should write it. Hmmm, I gotta go. Inspiration has struck. Thanks Alison!!

Alison Tyler said...

Cool, Heidi! Let us know. I think you've got a group of hungry readers here. And Confidant, eerie is definitely welcome.

The article did seem to imply that people might not even know they've had sex with a stranger!

Here's something I always thought was funny. My dad has a friend who had a longterm relationship with a fairly distant man. When I was little, I heard my dad say to my mom, "Every time he sees her, she's a new person."

I think he meant that the man didn't pay her any attention. But I envisioned it more like, "Oh, you fabulous creature! Who are you? Damn, what did I do to deserve a sexy stranger like yourself?"

XXX,
AT

jothemama said...

Surely he meant she was fresh and renewed, rejuvinated etc?

That would be my hope!

Angell said...

I had one of those journals. Only with a star system instead.

one star was kissed, two was groped, three was oral, and four was sex. And if there were five stars, it was an evening to remember and chances are it's chronicled somewhere.

I've done the "sex with someone I barely know" so I guess they could count as strangers...

Alison Tyler said...

I love the star system!

And Jo—no, he was someone who was really involved in his own world. One of those fellows who lives in his head. So he pretty much treated his lady like a stranger.

I liked my vision better. God, how lucky I am that this nymphette has just landed in my bedroom!XXX,
AT

Jeremy Edwards said...

(Sex with strangers, that is. Not crazily tearing through old boxes in the futile search for postcards from the 80s.)**

Love that!

So ... I just got a piece of sp@m with the subject line "Women geet off talking about sex." Anyone here geeting off?

Alison Tyler said...

Ha, JE! I got one that was about Russian Womeen Fucking!

XXX,
AT

Erobintica said...

is geet the plural of git?

Alison Tyler said...

You know, I have always loved the word 'git.'

XXX,
AT

Smut Girl said...

me too. it makes me think of John Cleese ;)
xoxo
s

JM Stone said...

oy I am SOO late to the party!

AT, I was wrong! Judging from the discussion, I have had stranger sex...similar to Heidi. Freshman year, went to a frat party before classes started, hooked up with a guy, major makeout session but no sex(no condoms)...I think he went down on me and I know he fucked my tits. And left a major hickie on my neck. Gawd, I was so stinking drunk.

Turned out he lived *IN MY DORM*.

That was awkward for WEEKS.

Alison Tyler said...

Oh, my god. I can just imagine. It reads like an episode on a sitcom...

And there is no such thing as "too late to the party." We can always just start a new party!

XXX,
AT