May 05, 2009

"I Have a Perfect Life"

I've loved Lou Reed since high school. Had all his albums on vinyl—got to see him twice in concert (New York Stories and Red Joy Stick tours, if memory serves). You know how you go back to the music that suits you....that serves you? Well, this song was always one of my favorites (along with Andy's Chest and Vicious and about 87 others). Lately, I've been a bit obsessed.

See, this year has been a bit hellish. Except that it hasn't. Our company—like just about everyone else's—has suffered. But we felt the first blow back in 2007, so this just seems like old news. The crazy part of this year has been health-related. Topsy-turvy upside-down turning issues. First me, then him.

So when Sam says to me last night, "I have a perfect life," I have to give him all kinds of credit. He was diagnosed with cancer about a month ago, and yeah, I'm scared out of my ever-loving mind. But somehow, he's not. He, he says, as he wraps me up in his big, fucking arms, has a perfect life.


Anonymous said...

Love this post. Crazy thing is, I watched this movie last night called You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay, and the whole premise was healing by focusing on the good instead of the bad.
I'm glad to know that Sam is doing that already.

Wishing you both health (you already have love!:)

Alison Tyler said...

Thanks very much, Jessica.

You want to hear something else crazy? I forgot about this until this morning. But in my senior yearbook, I had one quote:

"Take a Walk on the Wild Side." — Lou Reed.

Everyone else (nearly) filled their yearbook boxes with text. I think I surprised people. I didn't have a professional shot. I had a random picture taken in the alley behind my favorite movie theater—graffiti everywhere. I had my sunglasses on, as ever. it's funny that LR has been an important soundtrack to every part of my adult (if you can call me that) life.


Anonymous said...

That's quite cool. I wish I'd had a friend like you in high school!
You've inspired me to listen to Lou Reed this morning.

While I'm hard at 'work.' :)

- Jessica

Alison Tyler said...

There's this version, too.

ste said...

yeah, you can't fault that song. (well, the original version, at least!) that whole album is great actually, though I haven't listed to it for ages.

best wishes to you both.

Alison Tyler said...

Thanks. I like the original best, too. But I just found this info out about the BBC version: Prompted by a huge public demand the track was released in November as a charity single for Children in Need. It was the UK's number one single for three weeks, in two separate spells. Selling over a million copies, the record contributed £2,125,000 to the charity's highest fundraising total in six years.

Lou Reed said "I have never been more impressed with a performance of one of my songs."

jothemama said...

Ohshit oh shit. I didn't realise.

You know though, my homeopath has recovered from both end stage lukemia and a brain tumour, without medical intervention.

And she says, cancer, it's an opportunity to prioritise, look at your lifestyle, start afresh. Use it.

Ahem *Coffee! 400 known carcinogens in every cup.*ahem

Positivity aside though, I don't know how you've been posting every day and not saying it,it must have been hard to get through each day. That strength will carry you both through, I'm sure. Good luck.

Nikki Magennis said...

Oh, Lou Reed makes me swoon. This song is my favourite, I think.

Love to both. x

Alison Tyler said...

It must have been hard to get through each day.No, not at all, Jo. Not with all the caffeine and alcohol and huge dose of total fucking denial. It's been grand. :)

And Nikki, I could trade you songs all day long.


neve black said...

Oh, Alison... at the risk of sounding like a total dork, I'm going to say it anyway, you're both in my prayers.

neve black said...

I didn't want to leave this comment with the last one, because in my mind, they're separate -

If you get a chance to get your hands on Lou Reed's live video performance in Berlin, please do. I saw it recently at my local arthouse theater and it was magical.

Hearts and hugs -

Smut Girl said...

Of course he does. He has you. He's a smart cookie (with fab nice arms. ;)

I think perfect is relative like everything. Ever met someone who is so blessed it is crazy and they say: my life sucks. He is opposite. Universe has thrown him a curve and he's looking at the perfectness he has.

Awesome. Big. Wet. Kisses.


Alison Tyler said...

Ta very much, Sommer. Kisses right back atcha, and then some.


Erobintica said...

sending positive thoughts - sounds lame, but not sure what else to say

Alison Tyler said...

And Neve, I posted my comment to you on a different blog (am a bit out of my head), but you're not a dork at all.

Ta very much. You're uber-sweet.


Alison Tyler said...

Hey, lame is *not* saying something. I mean, that's not lame, if you don't want to say something. But lame is not saying something if you want to. Right?

Honestly here is the truth:

I was not going to post this post. I wrote it. But I write posts all the time that I don't actually post. Out of 1350 posts, I believe this is the very first time I accidentally published one.

Then I looked at it and I thought, What the Fuck, and I kept it up there.

Not to make anyone feel bad. Not to ruin anyone's day. Just cause it's the truth and if I'm scattered or crazy or obsessive or insane (at least, if I'm any of those things to a greater degree than usual), than people might understand.

And also, you know, maybe it'll help someone else.
Who knows?


Anonymous said...

I have just recently started reading your blog and various others in this group. There seems to be such wonderful friendships here and it hooked me. You have a way of making total strangers feel special. I need to say that this blog today literally brought tears to my eyes. That's what type of emotions your blog brought out of me in the middle of my office at work (teach me to open blogland there, ey?0. With that said, I have a message for your husband: KNOW IN YOUR HEART that this is just a crazy slow down lesson and all the power lies in YOU to heal... you gotta belieeeeeeeeeeeeeve.
xo ~Gigi

Alison Tyler said...

Making people cry at work.
Just one more service I offer.

Ta very much for the sweet words, Gigi.


Dayle A. Dermatis said...

Holy crap, Alison!

Strength and energy to you and Sam.

cerulean said...

Wow, Alison. I'm not good with this shit but I like you well enough to tell you--I'm not good with this shit.

I don't even know Sam but I do. Please tell him there's this total stranger in cyberspace who wishes him well. That would be me.


P.S. Haven said...

Not sure what to say other than I'm in awe of your resilience, both of you. At the risk of sounding completely contrived, you've inspired me to reassess all the blessings in my own life.

EllaRegina said...

I agree with Jo. Cancer really does make one prioritise and, oddly, it somehow provides an opportunity for a new start. The important thing is to stay in the moment and take it one day at a time. You have each other and that's a lot. All my best wishes to you both. You will get through this!

Aurora Hunter said...

Sending you big hugs and good vibes and positive chi and everything else I have to send via the 'Net. I'll light a candle for Sam and pray for you both. The way that you write about your relationship with him is an inspiration to me, it shows me what I want to have in my marriage.

And this post made me cry at work too.

Love and Blessed Be,

Aurora Hunter

Alison Tyler said...

All right, so clearly I owe everyone a great big thank you (or at least one of these)!. I have said before that this blog can make me feel very Message-in-a-Bottle-esque.

Truly, thank you for your kind words, your good thoughts, your golden karma. Really. Thank you.


P.S. cerulean — I'm not good with this shit either. Trust me.

joss lockwood said...

Well, fuck.

Everyone else has said it better than I would have, but you know, just one more slightly random semi-stranger out here in the world sending you good thoughts.


Saskia Walker said...

I'm so shocked and sorry to read this news. However you look at it, you've been strong, AT, because you've kept on being yourself and doing what you do so well. If you need anything, just ask. Or if you need to take down time, we'll all understand. Sending hugs and postive vibes to you both.

Dan said...

Sounds like the best thing for both of you is having each other. Have faith in yourselves and faith in your friends.

Alison Tyler said...

Ha, Joss!

*Well, fuck.*

Yeah, that sums it all up pretty neatly. And thank you Saskia and Dan. You all know me. I'm pretty lighthearted. I don't like to dwell on what lives under the rocks. But I'm learning sort of daily how to deal. You guys are all great.

Thank you truly.


Angell said...

SIGH - I'm sorry AT. Been there, done that.

All the love and prayers and good energy coming towards you both.

You'll get through this.

Charlotte Stein aka The Mighty Viper said...

Best healing good positive vibes sent to you and yours, Alison. Picture them as invisible waves coming at you from over the internet and all those thousands of people all over the world, watching your blog.

Mouse said...

You guys are amazing. Your blog lights up my day, it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy. So sending some of that warm and fuzzy back at you. I know cancer is a horrible beast, but it looks like Sam is a amazing guy who is dealing with it so well. My best friend was another one of those people, and when he was telling me about his cancer, all he cared about was that I was ok. It made it easier, and harder all at once.
Anyway, I just wanted to say that you guys are amazing, and if there is anything I can do from the other side of the world, well, count me in.

Alison Tyler said...

Thank you really very much. I will say that I feel very much as if I'm on a roller coaster. All the time. But here's something really strange—a whole slew of the different fears I had a month ago (fears I've had my whole life), have totally evaporated.

Not that I'm fearless.
But I'm fucking close.