September 06, 2009

A thin sheen of shame

I woke up dazed. From one of those sexy, disturbing dreams. So real that I felt guilty for what I had done. And Shanna, you should feel guilty, too.

I'm sitting here, blinking, telling myself that I did not—I did not—make out with a stranger. I didn't let him take off all of my clothes, stand me up in front of him, stroke my shaved pussy lips with the balls of his fingertips. Even in my dream, guilt took over, and I fled. Back to safety. To the moment of "confess or keep a secret?" Only to find a gaggle of girls at my house, looking at me, knowing somehow what I had done.

Shanna was in the center—staring at me. Even as I lied and said I'd been out on an errand. Shanna said, "We read the email you sent your lover. We know where you were."

Nothing clicked as fake in my head. Not the fact that the house wasn't my house now, but the house were I grew up. With the cobalt-shag carpet in the living room. And the colored tiles around the mantle. My heart was beating so hard. Why were the women there?

"Did you forget? He left today. Your man left today, and you didn't even go to see him off at the train station. So *I* did."

They laughed, and one wicked girl described how Shanna kissed Byron.

And even *that* didn't clue me into the fact that it was a dream. Byron, who was pompous and controlling and gave me the silent treatment for days on end. Who never said I was pretty. Who never made me feel as if I did anything right.

I'm pulling cobwebs off my eyes this morning. And out of my brain. That's how I feel. Disconnected and disjointed. And covered in a thin sheen of shame.



Remittance Girl said...

God. I'm wet. But then, I'm such a shame slut. Hehe. Great dream.

Shanna Germain said...

Ooooh, I'm wet too! I mean, I'm guilty. I'm guilty!

But, really, I'm sad, because I thought it was gonna be one of -those- dreams. You know the one where I end up naked and writhing and blushing. Although, probably, making you feel like you're naked and writhing and blushing is probably just as good!

Next time, please? :)