October 10, 2009

I quit.

So, I quit Facebook. And, um, Twitter, too. Seems that about the same time each month, I kind of freak out. And yeah, I figured that out all by myself. Because I am Einstein. But mostly I quit because I was just pretty lame at both Facebooking and Twittering. But here is the funny part. It took forever to quit Facebook. When I tried the first time, I was presented with a page that asked why I was leaving. There were assorted possible answers, plus OTHER. I chose OTHER, then hit "disable my account," and then waited, thinking I was good to go.

But no. Facebook presented me with images of four people I don't know (but who I suppose I am "friends" with) and told me those four people would miss me, and asked me if I wanted to write any of them a message. I said NO, and waited again to be told I was done.

Ha! But I fucked up. Turns out, if you choose OTHER, you have to write in a reason. So instead, I chose one of the pre-selected reasons, which included things like FACEBOOK TAKES UP TOO MUCH TIME, I DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW TO USE FACEBOOK, FACEBOOK SENDS ME TOO MANY EMAILS, etc. So I chose the last one. Facebook then told me I could reconfigure my settings so I would not get so many emails. Facebook then showed me four more people I don't know and told me *these* four people would miss me, and asked me if I wanted to write *them* any messages.

I learned that all of the possible reasons for leaving Facebook are handled with solutions by Facebook of why you should stay. So I chose OTHER again. And was shown four more people, people who long for messages from me. Because I had fucked up a third time and forgotten to give a reason. So I gave a fucking reason. My reason was: "I don't like Facebook." (I think I was ambivalent about FB before. But after being presented with 12 people I don't know, all of whom apparently sit forlornly in their rooms wishing I would send them messages, I was feeling too guilt-ridden to come up with anything better.)

And then, on a roll, I quit Twitter. Which was comparatively easy. I just quit. No friends shown. No reasons stated. Only a draconian little warning that I was about to do something sorta upid-stay.

I don't hate either of the two interfaces. I don't think evil thoughts about anyone who uses Facebook or Twitter. (Hi, Mom!) I just felt so useless at both that I needed to hit delete. I mean, I don't have a cell phone. I don't go many places. I have no reason to Tweet.

I just hope those twelve individuals will accept my most sincere apologies. I'd miss them, too. If I knew who the fuck they were.


P.S. Although I wouldn't really wear this Tweet necklace, I am all about the helvetica one and the kern rings! My friend and I used to use the word "kern" as our go-to verb. I don't know why. We were always kerning everything. Word geeks of the world, unite!


Jeremy Edwards said...

Oh, man, kerning! I once had a job that basically involved nonstop kerning. Then I would usually get stuck in expressway traffic on the way home ... and sit there compulsively rekerning the billboards in my head.

Justine Elyot said...

I've tried to leave facebook before. It grips on to you for grim death, doesn't it, like a stalker ex? I actually find it quite frightening.
I do love Twitter though, must admit - but I can see why you've called it a day. This blog is your facebook and your Twitter and all of that stuff, and everyone knows they can find you here.

Alison Tyler said...

Jeremy, I think that is poetry:

"compulsively rekerning the billboards in my head"

I love that image!

When I started in publishing, there still was a great deal of kerning to do. I'd have killed for those rings then!

And JE—the *other JE*—I prolly didn't give Twitter much of a chance. And I'm no luddite. I mean, I live for my laptop, I rarely write by hand. But thanks so much! Yes! Y'all can find me here. And if I'm not here, you can find me somewhere else.


jothemama said...

I don't know what kerning IS? I must google it.

I want to see what on the billboard in Jermey's head. I'd bet money is Malcovich-esque and depicts him naked in a fedora, ten feet high.

neve black said...

You rock. I kicked and screamed onto FB. And as expected, I have to make the time for it every day. And I'm not sure if it really works for me or not either. Not to mention I've learned things about others that I never really wanted to know - eek!

I'm going to link your post to my blog post about this subject, if that's okay with you?

Thanks for this, chica. :-)

Alison Tyler said...

Of course, Neve. Link away! And like I said — I'm all for FB and Twitter for people who like the two. (Again — Hi, Mom!) I just am working on cutting out the things in my life that make me, personally, feel uber lame.


Saskia Walker said...

Ach... you'll be missed on Twitter. I quit facebook too. It was the only social network that disturbed me...I keep meaning to write a blog about social networking. Will do, soon.

jothemama said...

Hmm. I set up Twitter at someone's onvite and never ever used it, yet still people were 'following me'. And then it was people I didn't know. And someone or someone's kept trying to access my account, which was creepy. So I deleted it, and just tonight I received a second cheery and suggestive text saying click here to reactivate, in condescending and overly casual language, which somehow I just don't appreciate.

Beware, Alison, they're still out there, they know where you live...

Jeremy Edwards said...

I'd bet money is Malcovich-esque and depicts him naked in a fedora, ten feet high.

: ) You made me laugh my fedora off, Jo!

And thanks for praising my image, AT! (My string of words, that is—not my ten-foot-high likeness.)