The life and times of a publisher

I saw these shoes on a website a few days ago, and now they are following me all over the internet. Popping up here and there in the sidebars when I least expect to see them. Unfortunately, the site where I found them is totally out of my size—so I am being stalked by shoes I can't even buy!

Why am I gazing longingly at shoes?

Because today I received a hostile email from a distributor who was seriously unhappy because they could not order one of our books. I mean, one copy of one of our books. This is why we closed the warehouse, people. But hello—I remembered that this same company had sent us a draconian letter several months ago that we were required to sign and send back. This was one of those surreal letters you get from time to time. We were asked to agree to settle a disputed claim without any admission of liability on the part of either party.

That's nice, right? I love guilt-free exchanges.

But see, I had no idea what the disputed claim was. There was no hint of what the dispute was in the note. Even more charming, there was no place to return the statement—no email, fax, or mail address on the letter. Since the letter had been forwarded to us by our warehouse, I went to the warehouse for answers. Apparently, they had lost the email address from whence it came. (Wow, I've never actually typed those words all together before. I feel so Dickensian.)

This was my verbatim discussion with our warehouse contact:

I have no idea what this is. What disagreement did we have with Ernie and Bert? (I've made a difficult to spot substitution for the company's actual name.)

Back from our warehouse:

Good morning Alison,

I don't know either. Are you selling to Ernie and Bert? I have you listed as a full service account. We wouldn't have contacted Ernie and Bert.

Let me know if you need anything.

So clearly, that was going nowhere fast.

But what I loved best about the "Mutual Settlement and Release" was the fact that I was required to "execute and deliver this full and mutual release of any and all claims" on or before 12/31/10.

I received the paper in August. 2011.

There was a whole lot of other legal-eze in the letter. And I believe the letter came from the fact that I had simply stopped fulfilling their orders. This mega-company would order single copies of our books and then return the same copies six months later. We would receive $6.73 from them after about 120 days, which would not cover shipping and handling on our end or the restocking when they returned the books. They would then ask for the $6.73 in credit.

Which is why I'm looking at shoes.

No, really. I am not above saying this. What calms me down more than any meditation (or medication) is to scan the internet for things I like. Lipsticks, boots, glossy patent leather anything. That is the way I Om.

Now off to see if I can find those shoes in a UK5! Wish me luck. But don't send me any mutual agreement settlement statements. I might have to buy the 20-eyelet Docs.

XXX,
Alison