August 07, 2012
"I understand and I wish to continue..."
I realized for the first time that the agreement on the front page of this blog (or *any* blog featuring an Adult Warning) reads a little Dom to me. At least, the part where you say, "Yes, I want to enter." Because you don't say that. You say, "I understand and I wish to continue." (Shouldn't there be a comma after understand?)
Maybe it's just me, because I'm in BDSM headspace to the nth degree right now. But couldn't that be read as a request for more? Please. Give me. More. You can see someone on their hands and knees, begging to get in. "I understand and I wish to continue." What more do I need to say? What more do I have to do?
Not only am I tying up the short-short book (authors, I should have news, um, shortly for you), and binding down the brand-new bondage manuscript, I'm also finally gathering up my 500,000 word (oh, my god, yes) serial that appeared on the blog back in 2006. And there is a lot of "I understand and I wish to continue" in that book. Well, those books. So far, I've compiled the first three.
Portions of the story have appeared in several collections (and one 7-K section was lifted for the now-defunct Scarlet), but the tale as a whole hasn't seen the light of day (or neon of night) in five or six years. Every few months, I receive an email asking where the story went... In fact, the first I ever heard about 50 Shades (because I live in a cave) was from a reader who wrote:
I'm curious if you've read or what some of your writers think of "Fifty Shades of Grey." As I was reading it, your original blog story reared its head in the back of my mind. I'm a little irritated at all of the press its getting since they're making it to be so new and innovative and I just want to wave my arms and point people in your direction.
And then another:
So because of the 50 shades fervor going on, I've had your Jack story in my mind lately. I just ranted my way through half of the 50 shades bullshit because my friends were reading it. I just can't stop thinking that if there was any justice in the world, we'd be reading your story & loving it, rather than picking apart why the plot & characters don't work, etc etc.
Holy hell, I have missed your blogging the story of you, Jack, Alex & Claudine.
Going back is intimidating. But I've quietly been attempting to wrangle the 2000 fucking pages into something that makes sense.
“Now, beg me.”
I could have laughed. I heard it in my head, a bitter sound. Each time I made it through one test, there was another waiting for me to pass.
“Do I need to get the cane again, baby doll?” His voice was resigned. I was doing this to him. I was giving him no choices.
“Then do what I say. I won’t warn you a second time.”
“Please, Nate,” I whispered. “Please fuck me—”
“Get the cane,” he hissed to Garrett.
Oh, god. No—
“Please—” I said louder. “Fuck my ass, Nate.”
“This ass?” he slapped me hard.
“Yes,” I stuttered. “Yes, Sir—”
“Why should I?” He slapped me again.
Oh, fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck.
“Because I need it—”
“And I'm asking you why.”
Images flickered through my head, disappearing quickly, like smoke.
This wasn’t therapy. I couldn’t explain. I could never explain. I could only beg. But I’m good at begging. I was in total supplication to him, my fingers slippery on the cheeks of my ass, offering myself to him.
“Please, Nate—” I felt as if I’d never stop crying. “Just please—”
I hoped it would be good enough. It had to be good enough.
“We’ll get there,” he told me, his voice low, and I thought of the night he’d whispered to me that he’d eaten a girl’s soul. Was he after mine? “Don’t worry, baby. We’ll get there.”
Can't you see the blog warning fitting neatly into the scene. "I understand, and I wish to continue."
P.S. Speaking of 50 Shades, Violet Blue excerpted the funniest reviews I've ever read. I tried to read them aloud to a friend and ended up simply putting my head down on the desk and crying with laughter at the part where James attempted to write an anal scene without using the word ass.