June 24, 2013

Smut Marathon—Round 3




Here we are at the third installment of the Smut Marathon—and I am thrilled. Oh, yes. Thrilled. The entries this time are so fucking good. I challenged the writers to choose a character (not their own) described in the previous contest and write a personal advertisement from the POV of that character. I laughed out loud more than once, and squirmed in my seat...more than, well... we'll just say I squirmed.

Poll will be up until Sunday, the 30th. Winner announced on July 1. Get ready to wish these personal ads were real!


Entry #1: Rev my engine



SWF, 28, 5’6”, hazel eyes, chestnut hair that’s long enough to pull, legs all the way up to my ass. Straight (mostly). Pierced tongue. Auto mechanic who can fix your truck, then trade the coveralls for a corset and fishnets.

Looking for a dude, single, 27-40, open minded. Have a libido that lies between your ears as much as between your legs. Talk about something you find interesting. Be passionate. Make me laugh. Cook me a meal. Tailgate with me in the parking lot before a Lions game. Slow dance under a full moon. Don’t be intimidated by my vibrator. Know who Melleefresh is. Leave rope marks.

Not in a hurry for the white picket fence, but not looking for FWB/NSA either. Don’t waste my time and I won’t waste yours.

*****

Entry #2: Begging for Skilled Hands




Single submissive female looking for skilled hands to redden my ass. Are
 you willing to shove me to the edge of the table, grab my brown hair,
and lift up the hem of my little black dress? Push down my panties? Do
you believe in the crack of a bare palm against my buttocks of crudely 
jamming fingers into my wet cunt? Do you want to make me clench the 
table as I cry out with every smack? Will you pull my hair as your hand 
comes down? Can you make me beg for more? If yes, then keep reading. 

Do you like to just wail on upturned asses, to pound hard with brutal 
strokes? Then, don't bother. I want skill and teasing, not bruises. Make 
my ass red, not black and blue. Remember, if you can push me over the
 edge, then you'll own my heart (and ass) forever.

*****

Entry #3: Dazed & dramatic US expat

(furtively female, 25, alliteration aficionado, cute ‘n kinda kinky) is looking for her very own post-national stereotyping Mr. Darcy travel-partner (23-39). Must have the accent, hidden depth, humo(u)r and a car - riches and pedigree less important. Should be open-minded and love the sea, city-life and old-timey ruins for a diverse and exciting exploring England experience. Offering captive audience, cup-cakes, camping-equipment and gentle mockery. No creeps, please!  Write to patentplayful@[censored].com, subject: the book you’ll be reading to me.

*****

Entry #4: Meredith’s personal ad

Man - I’m looking for you.

But you can forget your GSOH, your VGL, your FWB. If you define yourself with acronyms, you ain’t my type. Forget your pina coladas in the rain. And I don’t give a shit what movies you like.

I need a man, comfortable in his own skin, who’ll be even more comfortable inside mine.  Your fingers are long and strong and you know how to use them.  I like a man with ink.  But not if it refers to your mother or your ex.  And you’ve got a lot of exes: I need a man with experience.

I want a man who can take me to places not geographical, who can make me soar and bring me back to earth, who’ll entwine his essence with mine and entangle me in his heart strings... today and maybe tomorrow.

Could it be you?

*****

Entry #5: Who tames Aimee?

Can you tame and control me? I am a twenty-seven year old, tall, independent, hardworking, lustful female mechanic. Long, black hair. Blue eyes. B cup. Round ass. Womanly curves. Discretely placed, brightly-colored dragon tattoos on one arm. Former farm girl who grew up with seven brothers. Testosterone dominates my working day, but I need a different kind of domination to feel complete. My working clothes are oil-stained dungarees but I long for beautiful dresses and stockings, sexy lingerie and high-heeled shoes. Are you the thirty something man who can control me and dares to replace the smell of engine oil and diesel with the scent of intense desire, as I kneel in front of you, awaiting your orders? Mail me.

*****

Entry #6: Salacious slut seeks sinful shenanigans



Ladies and Gentlemen, may I have your attention, please? 

I am an open-minded, bisexual 100% American gal, finding her feet in a foreign city and wanting to meet naughty people for raunchy fun. I promise any dirty-minded guy or gal a fabulous time that'll have them screaming for so much more. I love eating out (hehe) and have a great body!

 You will love my luscious lips as they caress your lips, cock or cunt. You will adore my fingers as they massage your oiled body and bring you to the heights of heaven. You will scream in delight as I introduce you to my toy collection and make you come like never before. When I get going, no-one can stop me. Not that anyone wants to. 

If this sounds like your sort of fun, then find a message into my box and you won't regret it! 

*****

Entry #7: I Chose You

This isn't an ad. I am not Desperately Seeking nor Eternally Hopeful. These words are for one very specific someone.

I am the Kiowa warrioress sending summons to the Mediterranean sun goddess fallen and earth-bound.

You danced at Sutra's harem night. My whiskey made my tongue burn. Your swaying hips made my left palm itch. The music echoed a throb that was more than desire, more than lust.

Four times you enjoyed the heat of my gaze. Three times you danced away expecting an acolyte in attendance. Twice you settled onto my lap and tasted the alcohol on my lips.
You were mine, conquered, when your friends stole you away.

My business card left in your pocket will bring you here, but only your courage can lead you where we both want you to be. Will you have enough to accept my choice?

Sutra's. Friday. 11pm.

*****

 Entry #8: A Date with Benefits

A date with benefits! I’m a tall, mid-thirties woman who likes to get dirty every day. Loves fast cars and growling engines. Works as a Mechanic so if I like you I might give you a free tune up! Wants a kind guy with a good sense of humour for occasional visits to the cinema and theatre, to cook for and talk cars with. My tipple of choice is an ice cold beer but can drink fancy wine when the occasion calls for it. Down to earth, caring and practical I seek a mate as car mad as I am for friendship, dates and maybe more. Please note I will judge you by the make of car you drive, but I'm a mechanic so I do love a good fixer upper.  

*****

Entry #9: Pocket Rocket seeks playmate

I'm an athletic male who loves getting wet and the proof that short doesn't have to mean small. I love the quiet outdoor life until it's time to party. Be prepared for endless Energy. The right man or woman will need to be fit, funny, insatiable and preferably dominant. Willing to try anything twice (once is never enough). Adventurous spirit with the ability to breathe sparingly in wet places, I guarantee to leave you breathless and sated.

Petite and pretty, I’m looking for someone whose arm I can look good on in public and be filthy in private with. All kinks considered.

If you fancy a concentrated packet of sexual energy to do with as you please then call me.

*****

Entry #10: Before Sunrise 

20-something transplant is looking for her very own Ethan Hawke. You: like beaches, bars, trains, and girls who don’t fit the mold. Me: waiting just around the bend. Scene: lamp-lit street, well-worn pub, or the backseat of your car. Bring your own handcuffs.

*****

Entry #11: Seeking to Switch

I am a recently single Hispanic female, 27 - curvy, clever, and curious - hoping to share travel, wine, classic erotic literature, role play and physical intimacy with a kink friendly single male age 24-34, confident in his own appearance, with or without D/s experience. As a long time submissive, I am well versed in many elements of BDSM but have discovered w/in myself a growing fascination with the idea of topping. Searching for a partner in this endeavor who is patient, long suffering, genuinely interested in pushing the physical, mental, and emotional limits of power exchange, and understanding of the fact that communication goes beyond conversation. 

*****
Entry #12: Stop Wasting My Time

You’re here because you've read 50 Shades of Grey and it's got your pussy wet for the forbidden. You’re a bored housewife, whose life is…safe. You want Christian Grey and his red room of pain.

You're not what I'm looking for.

But if you didn't even bother to open it, dismissing it as cartoonish drivel, keep reading.

SWM, intelligent, arrogant, wealthy, mid-30’s with green eyes, a hard, lithe body, and a 8.5” cock, seeks audacious, reckless female for mutual intense sexual exploration, anywhere and everywhere. No hearts and flowers. Relationships are messy. You want companionship? Get a dog.

You will be unattached, flexible in both time and body, and have a valid passport at all times. Must love tequila, hard cocks, motorcycles, fucking and saying yes. You will be fearless, intelligent, clean, hygienic and disease free. Looks don’t matter, but attraction is a must.

Are you game?

*****

Entry #13: On Foreign Shores

I don’t know why here, this is not home and yet it feels like maybe it could be. I am lost; homeless, uprooted, a drifter on the current of life, washed up on these foreign shores searching for something that is missing. I think that something is a someone, a some-her to my some-me. I am 28 and I realise now that I want to find you.  I need a reason to stay, a purpose not to leave. Could that be you? Only if are you brave enough to find out will we ever know the answer to that question and the only way you will ever discover who penned these words for you.

*****

Whew! Now go vote...and tell your friends!

XXX,
Alison

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