November 13, 2013

"Hell, I'd fuck you for free..."

I had such a filthy bizarre sex dream last night. No, I don't expect you to be shocked. This is me, after all. But I was with this man I know for real. Not a movie star. Not an anything star. (Often, in my dreams, I'm with Presidents. You know. 'Cause I'm fancy like that.) But this was a man I like. We're part of a mutual appreciation society. He recently took a new job and disappeared. Poof. But there he was in my dream, and he was suggesting we have one, oh, rendezvous. Not for old time's sake, since we never have. But to see what it would like.

As we were walking to a motel—like you do—a stranger yelled out to him, "She's a whore! She'll fuck anything. Anyone. Anytime." Then he ran off down a street.

My friend looked at me, shocked, and I was just as shocked. Am I? Will I? Really?

On a whim, we followed the stranger, tracking him, until we found his dirty apartment and forced him to tell us why he'd shouted at us. Think about the situation. You're going with a long-time crush to fool around—there's romance in the air—and then some random dude shouts insults at you.

Turned out that the stranger (in my dream) had been PAID $10,000 to say those lies. Now here's the fun part. He was paid by my husband who wanted the rendezvous to take place, so he could watch.

And my friend said, aghast at the expense, "But I'd fuck you for no money. I didn't need someone to convince me. Hell, I'd fuck you for free!"

Oh, my god. I have the weirdest head, don't I?


P.S. Speaking of free (and fucking) starting tomorrow Gym Rat will be free for three days. Let me know what you think.


Vida said...

Heh. The weird thing is your dream-husband thinking getting randomly insulted would guarantee you and your dream friend would hook up!

Sadey Quinn said...

that is all kinds of awesome. sex dreams are my favorite... :)