August 19, 2015

Fucking like a Porn Star


Yesterday, I popped out of my hole and suddenly—two more weeks of summer! No, wait. That's Groundhogs and Winter. I'm not a Groundhog.

But I did pop out, and a woman stopped me on the street and asked me to sign a petition to increase the minimum wage. When I started working, I believe I made $3.35. And dinosaurs roamed the earth. I am all for raising the minimum wage.

The second petition was to require porn stars to wear condoms while shooting films.

I passed on signing this because I said I needed more information. The canvasser seemed shocked that I would feel that way.

I believed at first that the bill was to promote safe sex in the viewers. So that if you, say, wanted to fuck like a porn star, you'd reach for a condom. Except I read regarding a similar law in Los Angeles that companies simply remove the visual of the condom in the editing.

Okay, so this is where my strange brain takes us... If the point is to protect the porn stars, we should all acknowledge that porn sets are not the only locations where people are fucking at work. I've done this math before, but upwards of 10% of people have had sex at the office, while 54% of people have had sex with their coworkers.

(Quick aside. I also found out that people who have sex four or more times a week make more money. So there's that.)

I tried to figure out how many porn stars it takes to change a lightbulb. No, wait. How many porn stars live in California. I found a map that showed California was the big winner with 77. (Out of the 200 being researched.) Meanwhile, there are more than 15,000,000 civilian workers in California.

The porn star number was probably low. But if 10% of California workers are having sex on the job, that would equal 1,500,000 workers. Shouldn't the bill really be to require them to wear condoms?

As I said, I'm woefully unschooled on this. And happy to learn.

Oh, but I also thought that if condoms are required, isn't this perfect place for product placement? Condom and lube companies could market to every worker—if you're fucking on the job, and we know 10% of you are (wink, wink), make sure you use...

Speaking of product placement (and fucking at work), if you haven't bought Bent Over His Desk yet, please consider making this purchase. Your $4.49 supports a handful of indie authors who are seriously grateful.

XXX,
Alison




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