December 10, 2015

The Ridiculous Christmas List

I didn't really adhere to my plan this year. I was going to do themes. I had them all lined up neatly (at least, I did in my head) First, Star Wars. Then... life got in the way, and I woke up and realized with a start, with a bang—two weeks until Christmas, and no lists are in the house!

Sommer nailed me a while back because I do drift around on the net, looking at baubles, and bangles, and other b-words when I am thinking. Seriously. I trail my fingers over trinkets and trench coats, Mary Janes and make-up sets. Sometimes, I'm doing research. My character, Nora, in With or Without You dressed in an interesting fashion that I spent hours compiling. (She had a boom box necklace that I still dream of.)

Which is my roundabout way of saying, this is where I go. What I land on. What I look at. Put them all together, and you end up with The Ridiculous Christmas List.

We start with The Art of Pin-Up, a Taschen title I've been fingering for years. With a price tag of $120, it's more dream than reality. But lovely to look at.

I can't imagine anyone will be surprised to learn that I want this ringing in my house. Yes, it is a payphone replica. No, really.  For about $75 you can step back in time. (You know me and payphones!)

My favorite types of shoes have names like "oxford pumps," "stack-heeled Mary Janes," and "granny boots." These dangerously sexy Doc Martens combine several features I adore. Clunky heel. Lace up. Shiny leather. I can see me in them, striding down the hall in a pencil skirt and crisp white blouse. Is that a handsome man on his knees behind me, or did I just delve into Alison on Top? Sigh. They're currently between $130 and $280.

No luxury list would be complete without perfume. The next on my list is Elie Saab, which my fickle heart has fallen for. At least, today. (Priced between $47 and $95.) I haven't been faithful to a single scent in more than twenty years. It's a problem. But that's one place where cheating works for me.

It's a red record player for $199. Need I say more? Well, maybe. Because here's a jukebox, a mother-fucking jukebox, for a grand. More than 140 of my stories feature jukeboxes. Clearly, I live in a nostalgic corner bar, where quarters are lined up in front of me, and everyone in the place knows I'm about to play Zeppelin.

Green's Dictionary of Slang (in three volumes) sells for $428. I don't know why I think it would be so cool to have this set on my shelf. But my dirty mouth and I both yearn for this.

So I'm looking—I've got books, a phone, music machines, shoes, perfume. What am I missing? Bling, right? Aside from the engagement ring my great-grandfather made for my grandmother, I don't wear diamonds. I am a rhinestone girl to my sparkly little core. So here is the bargain of the list. For under $10, you can snag rhinestone studs that look (to my untrained eye) as good as the real deal. And, hey, you can pretty much buy everything else on the list (plus a car, and maybe a condo) if you don't go for the $125,000 pair.

Now, what's on your wish list? Your secret santa wants to know...



Miz Angell said...

Oh dear. The ridiculous list? Must think. But wanted you to know that I am now lusting after every item on your list.

My credit card does not thank you.

Jared Scarborough said...

I'm dreaming of a listener's luau focusing on Jimi Hendrix or Fleetwood Mac, along the lines of the recent Bob Dylan release (that includes all taped sessions from '65, '66: ).

More affordable, nostalgia-wise, is Natalie Merchant's 20th anniversary remake of Tiger Lily: .

168d7130-34d4-11e2-91ad-000bcdcb5194 said...

I have a hard time resisting art books of male nakes, though I know I'd have as much luck cruising through Tumblr. (My tastes are kind of specific, though I can only thumb through most titles when I visit bookstores in the Castro.) I'd secretly love a full set of Rick Day's PLAYERS series, because he's taken some lovely hockey-themed photos over the years. I never see the individual books enough to remember which ones have the shots I like (there's one of former NHL prospect-turned-male model Mats Christeen in a cup and hockey garters that I adore--it's Googleable, I should just print it out), and all his guys tend to look similar anyway because of the photo filters he uses. So, I've never been able to swallow buying one (let alone three), though I see today that the prices have gone down somewhat. (I know he's photographed Cockyboy Tayte Hanson recently, though I don't know if it was a sports-themed shoot...if he pops up in a book, I may just have to break down and buy it.) I'm also always lusting after horrendously overpriced chocolate (Patric PBJ OMG bars! La Maison du Chocolat's Dark Chocolate Coffret!), even though I can't bring myself to pay that much for something I'm going to guzzle...