July 30, 2014

Smut Marathon Challenge #6: Eavesdropping


You know me and eavesdropping. I can't help but listen in. Which is why I offered up this theme in my latest Smut Marathon challenge. The writers craned to hear me. I spoke in a whisper. They leaned in closer. I cooed... "as any long-time readers will attest, I am fascinated by the concept of eavesdropping. Please write a scene with that theme at heart. 250 words max." Here are the beauties they created. Read them all and vote for your favorite. Poll closes on Sunday at midnight.

As always, I posted the pieces in the order they arrived.


Entry #1: Contraction Joints

He rested his cheek against the cool granite of the countertop. 

"No, I haven't told her," he said. "I know she has to be wondering, but she's-- She's everything. She loves the pain and the ink and she's beautiful, and beyond that, beyond everything, she's smart and she's funny and she's just as happy staying in to watch a movie as she is going to a club or a play party. And she makes the most incredible lasagna I've ever had."

His arm ached holding the phone at that angle, and he could feel his fingers going numb, but the coolness against his face -- which felt like it was on fire -- was a comfort. Like Linus' blanket, he thought. But a security blanket won't help me here.

"I know," he said. "I know I have to be honest. That being honest is supposed to be at the very foundation of a relationship like ours. But how do you tell your girlfriend -- your submissive -- that you don't want to have sex with her? That you don't want to have sex with anyone?"

He noticed something blocking the sunlight before he heard her hitched breath.

"I think," she said, "that you just did."

*****

Entry #2: Out to Lunch

The voices that were floating over from the booth behind mine were sexy enough to make my balls ache. Lilting tones, filled with youth and enthusiasm, I leaned back in an attempt to hear them better.

"You look a little frazzled. Did Troy break up with you again? You know, I always thought he was kind of an ass."

"We might be getting engaged."

"Oh." The friend cleared her throat. "This sandwich is delicious, want some?"

"No." A moment of silence. "I need you to help me blackmail someone."

"Blackmail? Who?"

"Three guesses."

A hand slapped against the table. "Your pervy boss? Tell me it's your pervy boss."

"Nothing gets past you, does it?"

"Does he still stare at your tits when he talks to you?"

I leaned back further, this was getting good, I was practically salivating.

"Everyday."

"Does he still smack your ass when you're using the copier?"

"Of course."

"Remember when he bought you that leopard print bra for your birthday?"

"Actually it was a thong. But there's been a new development."

"Ooo, should I cue some dramatic music?"

"I'm questioning why I hang out with your right now. Seriously, are you going to stop interrupting me? I really need you to listen to this."

I was literally gripping the edge of the table.

"Sorry, tell me everything."

"He takes up skirt photos of me and posts them on the internet."

That voice, I suddenly realized who it belonged to.

And I knew I was fucked.

*****

Entry #3: The Fence has Ears

"Fucking heat."

Tim pushed his wrist through his slick brow, moving his damp hair out of his eyes. Sliding down against the wooden planks of the ten foot high fence, thankful for the shade, he wondered, again, if the cash he'd be making on this landscaping job was worth sweating his balls off.

He took a deep drink from his water bottle. Day three, and there was no end in sight.

Rustling noises reached his ears from the next yard. A guttural laugh followed, along with a pleading voice. "Vince! My wife will be home any minute."

"Then I guess I'd better fuck you fast." Tim, feeling the pressure on his back, realized that the couple was right behind him. "But that's how you like it Sam. Fast...*grunt* and hard."

Nails raked the boards, and Tim swallowed a groan as his cock throbbed. His hand slid down his shorts, stroking and pulling, listening to Vince's fuck talk.

"Take my cock. That's it, open that tight ass for me."

Sam's gasping replies. "Yes, fuck yes Vince. God split me in half."

Skin slapped skin as Tim jacked harder, rubbing faster, as if he too, had to finish before Sam's wife got home. 

"That's .. it." Vince panted. 

"Come in my ass." Sam's whisper begged.

Tim bit his lip, holding back his relief as he came all over his thigh. He lay, spent, hearing one word as they walked away. 

Tomorrow.

He smiled and nodded. 

Yes, tomorrow.

*****

Entry #4: Revelations



I never thought Quin would bottom. In my fantasies he was always on top, cool and powerful. But then, I hadn't thought Ben would ever come back. And I definitely never thought Quin would fuck him, or be so hot for it that he'd leave the door to his room open.



Ben's back muscles rippled with each thrust. He was a powerful man, with the kind of body that comes from a hard life. Under him, Quin stared up at Ben hungrily, hands curled tight against Ben's upper arms.



I hated myself for watching. Sometimes I thought being half Quin's age was why he didn't want me. Peeking at sex was juvenile. Another reason I was unattractive.



Quin bit back a moan, probably because he thought I was sleeping instead of ignoring my hard-on in the hallway.



"Quiet," Ben growled, and put his hand on Quin's throat.



I held my breath, sure they were about to fight again. No way Quin would accept that.



Quin let his hands fall to the bed and closed his eyes, arching his neck to press into Ben's hand.



I stared as his body began to shake, his face red. He was coming, and not because Ben was fucking him. Because Ben was *dominating* him.



Back in my room, I could barely light a cigarette with my shaking hands. Quin didn't care that I was younger, or weird, or not his type. He wasn't attracted to me because we both wanted the same thing.

*****

Entry #5: River's Edge

Cathy sat perfectly still, too shy to move and let them know she was down at the river's edge. It was too late for that anyway. Appearing now would embarrass all of them. And, she had to admit, it was no punishment listening to them. She actually wish she could see them too, but didn't want them to spot her between the bushes that shielded her from their view. Cathy would have to do with the sexy images she added to the sounds she heard.

"Harder, please, harder," the woman said.

"Oh yes, right there. Oh fuck yes, that feels so good."

The man grunted loud as the woman let out an orgasmic moan.

"Get on your knees," the man said.

There was a rustling of leaves and then the woman moaned again.

"You are so fucking good," she cooed.

"Quiet," the man said and indeed, all Cathy heard now was their heavy breathing and an occasional moan escaping the woman, as her breath was forced out by the man fucking her. Cathy could not stop the urge anymore. She turned to look. Just in time she stopped a giggle in her throat. The couple was not fucking at all! Oh yes, the woman was half naked, but the only thing she was receiving was a thorough massage of her shoulders.

*****

Entry #6: Overheard

I heard the rip of the condom wrapper. Heard her gasp. And his moan.

I laid in my hotel bed, trying to stay as still as I could, keeping my breathing even, and ignoring the growing slickness in between my legs.

On trips, I sleep with my ear buds in, but my music had stopped. I don't know why I woke up that night. Had no clue what time it was. I couldn't move, couldn't do anything but listen.

He stifled her screams with a pillow. As they fucked, I imagined everything he did to her. Yelps when he pinched her nipples. Moans when he sunk himself deep into her. Gasps when he bit her. The way that man growled sent shivers through me.

Sherry attracted gorgeous men wherever we went. He was no exception. His eyes caught mine as I turned in for the evening. He gave me a wink as I departed. A hint of jealousy passed through me as I left the two of them in the bar.

As his breathing grew heavy, I knew they were working towards their end. Even as I hated Sherry for fucking some random in our hotel room, I could feel my arousal pulse throughout my body.

If all I could get was hearing how good of a lover he was. If my only release that night would be in his breathing and his carnal utterances. If he could only ever be my lover in my fantasies, I would take it.


*****




Please vote and share the link with others!

XXX,
Alison

P.S. Sadly, one of our contestants had to drop out of the contest for personal reasons. So there are six stories rather than seven this round.

July 29, 2014

Team Rem


On the heels of Sandy's interview at Jade A. Waters'—Rem has visited Tamsin Flowers' site for a Q&A. Those Boys currently has four reviews up on Amazon. Thank you all so much for helping me spread the word! I'm hard at work on Those Days—a full-length novel dedicated to Sandy—right now. Hope to have a wip to share shortly.

XXX,
Alison

July 28, 2014

Trollop with a Question #15


Yes, yes, I'm back. And with me, I bring Monday. (Sorry about that. It couldn't be helped.) But at least, Monday means I have a new question. Are you ready? Are you set?

Do you believe in love at first sight?

I tackled a bit of this query in a post going live tomorrow at Tamsin Flowers. Now I'm curious as to your answers...and experiences.

It's only a little after seven, and I'm already running late. Here's my cheat sheet for the week...

• Don't forget to enter your nominations for my first annual Trollop Erotic Book Awards.
• Please visit the next stop on my Those Boys tour! I'm at Sommer Marsden's today.
• Read the latest at Violet Blue's—with a lovely mention of Summer Loving!

If you answered last week's question—and you think I'm sexy (I just had to toss that in)—drop me a note to msalisontyler at yahoo dot com with your snail mail address. I will send you a prize. (I'm a tiny bit behind with my mailing. You should see my desk. Well, I should see my desk. I can't see my desk. It's covered with envelopes. Hitting the post office hard today!)

XXX,
Alison

July 27, 2014

Trouble is His Middle Name!



Oh, dear lord. I don't know Yoda's last name. So I can't write Yoda "Trouble" (fill in the blank). I'm a failure at Star Wars. But I'm thrilled that Clitical Jenne played along with me! She ever-so-cleverly said, "Yoda was bound for trouble as soon as he saw the letter containing your tattoos and couldn't resist getting in on the fun." Don't forget to follow the Bound for Trouble Pinterest board! (If you want your own tattoo, just drop me a note at msalisontyler at yahoo dot com.)

Today, I'm over at Erotica for All with a little snippet from Those Boys—which now has 4 reviews. Thank you so much! You all rock my world.

Also, I thought I'd throw this out... If you would like to be part of a Summer Loving tour and you are an author or a reader, please let me know. Authors—if you want to provide backstory on your, um, story. Readers, if you're interested in doing little reviews. We're simply trying to spread the word! Same bat time. Same bat channel: msalisontyler at yahoo dot com. I'm thinking August.

XXX,
Alison

July 26, 2014

Ella "Trouble" Dawson



The "Is Trouble Your Middle Name?" Tattoo Tour for Bound for Trouble continues with the electrifying Ella Dawson, who says: "Here's my photoboothed selfie. Thanks for the free ink!" This "queen of temporary tattoos" also sent me a snapshot of an awesome airbrushed tattoo that I am now jonesing for. Big time.

Ms. Dawson said, "I linked to Bound for Trouble in my latest Fifty Shades post/rant, too."

Keeping you on your toes—or me on mine—don't forget the next stop on my Those Boys tour... Oleander Plume (who you are sure to remember from these fabulous shots) has been sweet enough to discuss how I popped her cherry. I love when I do that.

The latest review to be added to my "Next 99" list is up on Cara Sutra's site. Never Say Never won a delicious write-up from a reviewer who understood all of my intentions! (Have I missed a review you've written? Drop me a note and I'll fix my glitch!)

Please be sure to stop back tomorrow for more fabulous photos. And if you want your own tattoo, don't hesitate to drop me a note at msalisontyler at yahoo dot com. I'm ready to send you free ink!

XXX,
Alison

July 25, 2014

"All of my favorite authors in one little book? Yes, please."



Pour me a cup of coffee and let me sit by your side. I have so many things I'm supposed to write down, and I have note as long as my arm.

First off, please visit Delilah Night, who has reviewed Those Boys for me. I'm honored and pleased that readers like Sandy so much. Both novellas (Those Boys and Those Girls) came out of the ether. I wasn't planning on writing them—I didn't have time to write them—I didn't have anywhere to send them. That goodness for Go Deeper Press!)

I'm double-dipping, because I'm also at A.M. Hartnett's talking about Sandy. (In case you missed it, I have Ms. Hartnett on my note-dedicated blog, Scruffy Jottings About Filth.)

Both of these stellar authors are in the line-up for our anthology dedicated to Sommer Marsden. The book is out now and already racking up the 5-star reviews. (Thank you!) Summer Loving (published by eXcessica) is a project that seriously renewed my faith in humanity. I appreciate everyone who worked on the book (and there were a lot of hands on this manuscript). Now, we're asking if you could please help us spread the word. So far, the book has two reviews on Amazon and people have been tweeting. Anything you can do to share the information around would be super appreciated!

I've updated the links to where you can find the book in this post. I'll share more info as I have it.

I'm also in possession of more tattoo pictures to post (I'm so excited!)—so check back this weekend to see the fresh ink.

XXX,
Alison

P.S. If you are interested in being featured on Scruffy Jottings About Filth, please drop a note to msalisontyler at yahoo dot com.

July 24, 2014

Get Ready for Summer Loving!


Our project for the incomparable Sommer Marsden is out! Yes, you can buy Summer Loving—our collection of 20 sultry stories—all over the interwebs. A huge, mega, 5-star thank you to Selena Kitt who took the manuscript and performed her magic and to Willsin Rowe for his beautiful, perfect cover. Because check this out...

All Romance—you can buy the e-book for the very special price of 69 cents!
Amazon US—Kindle
Amazon US—paperback
Amazon UK
Smashwords
Barnes & Noble
Kobo

If you'd like a bit of history on the project, please check out these posts...

Summer Loving
Summer Summer Sommer

The table of contents is here. ALL profits go to Sommer and her family. What we'd love from you... please buy the book (that would be awesome) and review it—share it—help us spread the word.

I hadn't planned on doing an official tour, but I will keep track of all mentions right here. (Hit me with your links at msalisontyler at yahoo dot com.) I just spied these posts:

Everybody's Loving Summer by Angell Brooks
Summer Loving by Jodie Griffin
Those Boys and Summer Loving by A.M. Hartnett
Baby It's Hot Outside by Delilah Night

Thank you to everyone involved. Writers near and far, Tamsin Flowers (for originating the amazing idea), copy editors, cheerleaders — you all rock!

XXX,
Alison

July 23, 2014

And I'm Not Sorry


Today's stop at the Those Boys station is Annabeth Leong, who writes: "I've read dozens of Alison Tyler's BDSM stories, and Those Boys delivers what fans of those stories are looking for—heat, attention to the psychology of BDSM, the search for an understanding of this drive but an ultimate refusal to apologize for it."

Hallelujah!

Those Boys now has two fabulous reviews on Amazon—thank you so much. You have no idea how nerve wracking it is to wait to see how readers will respond to a new book.

Annabeth Leong recently won some ink, herself. Her story in Bound for Trouble was mentioned in Library Journal: "...one couple try out some new material in Annabeth Leong's Paper Chains..." And on Amazon, a reviewer stated: "bondage by paper chains and hypnosis, with robot arms and magic boots — I don't think there was anywhere this creative little book didn't go..."

XXX,
Alison

July 22, 2014

Violet Blue: Let Her Be Your Guide


Yes, I am bisexual. I mean, I'm a bi-poster. Two times in one morning! Ooooh, baby, you can feel the heat, can't you? My fingers are positively on fire. See, today is my stop on The Ultimate Guide to Sexual Fantasy tour, and I am thrilled to be here.

When I see a cover like the one for The Ultimate Guide to Sexual Fantasy—playful, adorable, frisky of the font, stylish to the max, my heart skips. Why? Because when I first started writing erotica, there really were no titles like this. I possessed what I considered a well-rounded bookshelf for an author of erotica. Justine. Little Birds. How to Be A Perfect Lover. I collected them passionately, even obsessively. But the guides were almost all dry. (Sensuous Magic by Pat Califia was the first to show me what a guide could be like.)

But now there are a host of sensual, seriously sexy selections. And Violet Blue speaks "how-to" like no one else in the business. She has a way of engaging readers from the very first sentence.

Her calm words soothe any worries you may have. She writes without judgment, with compassion, with wit. You find yourself breathlessly devouring every passage. What I get most when I read anything written by Violet is that she wants to help you. She wants to help you get the most pleasure in bed. She wants to help you protect yourself. She wants to help you figure out the road that will take you where you want to go: whether that's through your fantasies, with a strap-on, watching porn, kissing, playing with toys. She's right there. Holding your hand.

So I have this bit of advice: let her. Let her be your guide.

XXX,
Alison

Oleander "Trouble" Plume


You all are giving me one of those "message in a bottle" moments. I mean, really. I ordered a stack of tattoos, and I had no idea if I was going to wind up wearing all the ink myself. I can't say how excited these photos make me.


Oleander Plume is the second vixen to send me several fierce snapshots of herself sporting my Bound for Trouble tattoo. I have recently had the pleasure of working with Ms. Plume several times. Her delicious story "Portraits of You" will appear in my upcoming collection Just for Her. (And yes, for those playing along at home, that's a cover reveal.) Ms. Plume said: "This was so much fun! Since I used to work in graphic design (and I'm a text junkie), I embellished with words... Of course, my lovely assistant, Antonio, insisted on being included."

And we're all so happy he did!

To get your own Bound for Trouble tattoos, simply drop me a note to msalisontyler at yahoo dot com with your snail mail address.

Also, if you're following along on my Those Boys tour, stop at Inara Serene's today.

XXX,
Alison


July 21, 2014

Trollop with a Question #14


I promised to put up the fabulous Bound for Trouble tattoo photos by Oleander Plume today—but that was only because I forgot what day it was. So I will be posting those (seriously sultry) snapshots tomorrow. Today is Monday. I like saying that only because Monday = Trollop with a Question.

And I have a very personal question for you:

Dom. Sub. Switch. (Or, of course, none of the above. Which is totally valid.) Wait. I didn't really phrase that like a question. (Alex Trebek would be so disappointed.)

Are you a Dom, a sub, or a switch?

There. That's better. And if you are one—what type are you? Sub, masochist, with a vicious pain streak. Dom who enjoys playing with emotions and rope bondage. Dabbler into handcuffs and blindfolds, but nothing more. BDSM fanatic, but only in the pages of a magazine. Pro-domme who favors quirts and crops. Switch with the boyfriend, sub with the husband...

I'm feeling a little Five Easy Pieces here: hold the butter, the lettuce, the mayonnaise...

Or even like those fabulous frisky personal ads in the Wild Side columns I used to read as porn.

This question is totally appropriate for me today, because Those Boys is out. Yes. It's out. And Sandy is a Dom bisexual switch who occasionally seems to take residence in my head and demand to have his story told. For an interview with Sandy, please head to Jade A. Waters.

XXX,
Alison

P.S. If you answered last week's query—and you'd like a prize from the bottom of the Cracker Jack box—I mean, from me—please hit me with your snail mail address to msalisontyler at yahoo dot com.

July 20, 2014

"She’s made him real..."


I've been writing forever. (Not only since the wee hours of today, but I mean, I honestly can't remember a time when I didn't have a story in progress.) Once upon a time, my insanely divine history teacher—oh, man, everyone loved her—said we could pen a term paper on a specific decade, or write a story set in a decade that incorporated a certain amount of facts about the time period. (I've mentioned this before. I know.)

I chose the 1920s, and I wrote a piece about a sax player suffering a break-up who slips back in time 60 (or so) years, falls in love, and stays in the 20s. He happens to land just in time for the Valentine's Day Massacre, if I remember correctly—so I must have hit the tail end of the decade.

My teacher read the piece out loud, and my fellow classmates looked around madly for the author. Students guessed who'd written the story—and nobody (not one person) believed a girl was the author. It was a shocking revelation to my classmates that 1) a boy hadn't written the piece and 2) I could write like that.

Writing from a male POV is exciting to me. I've done it periodically over the years, and I'm always attempting to hone my skill. Which is why I'm thrilled to lead you over to Jade Waters' blog today for an interview with Sandy from Those Boys.

The novella will officially be released tomorrow. However, you can buy your copy today at Go Deeper Press!

XXX,
Alison


July 19, 2014

Eavesdropping with Tequila


Tamsin Flowers and I were bantering back and forth (like you do), and I wound up saying that "Eavesdropping with Tequila" sounded like a title. And she said, "Oh, I know that story... an erotica writer with writer's block goes to her local bar to drink tequila and find inspiration. She starts listening in to the conversation at the next table — it's about a certain club she's never heard of. She gets so engrossed, she doesn't realize they're totally aware of her interest and..."

This is where you come in. If you want to, why not riff on the story starter and hit me with a mini piece to post here. Just the next bit of the story. Once upon a time, Amazon hosted a contest like this with John Updike. Other writers added to the story until the piece was complete.

I don't know if this will work or not, but if you have the time, pen the next installment, I'll slip one up, and we'll continue. (I'm at msalisontyler at yahoo dot com.)

Oh, and please don't forget to follow along on my Those Boys tour!

XXX,
Alison


July 18, 2014

Inara "Trouble" Serene


I am so totally thrilled by this, I can hardly type! Inara Serene has come through in a major way with my first photo submission for my Is "Trouble" Your Middle Name tattoo contest for Bound for Trouble. And look—she kind of hit it out of the park. I never would have thought to recreate the cover! I am in awe...and, you know, I want her lipstick.

Here is a side-by-side shot she did as well...


Inara says, "I attempted a cover recreation for the inked up BFT promo. There are some obvious differences, one of which being I'm not a model, but I think it's close enough!"

Oh, yes. It's more than close enough. You absolutely rocked my week!

Inara Serene is a "twenty-something incurable flirt" who caught my attention with her short story "Just His." The opening line is: "Please sir, will you hurt me?" You'll hold your breath as you read the entire piece. Be on the lookout for her wit and snark on Twitter and Blogger.

If you would like a tattoo, too, drop me a note to msalisontyler at yahoo dot com!

XXX,
Alison

July 17, 2014

"Come Fuck Me."


You know that dream you have, where you're naked, and everyone can see you. They're pointing. You're covering yourself up. Maybe a phone starts to ring. People move closer... the room tilts. There's nothing you can do. You hold on, you dig in your heels...but slowly, you slide into their waiting arms...

Well, actually, that's not what happened at all. But lately, I own the feeling that I'm forgetting something. Like my clothes. Or an important date. And look at that—I did.


I was supposed to be hosting
A.M. Hartnett yesterday, and yet I thought today was tomorrow—or my date was tomorrow. (Which sort of makes sense, if you're me.)

So bear with me—or bare with me—as I try my best to catch up. (Yesterday for me was really a one-step forward, six steps back kind of a day. And I don't even tango.)


I asked
Ms. Hartnett if there was a special phrase she'd share from her new book. She gave me two to choose from. One was "Bombshell," which she said is "the pet name Brendan has for Carrie in Uncover Me." 

Okay, I love that. I love that he calls her "Bombshell." I adore nicknames in general.
Sommer Marsden won my heart with her "nicknames are like secrets." My man calls me "vampire" (inspired by my insomnia). 

But then
Ms. Hartnett added, "for a more gender-neutral phrase you could use 'Come fuck me.'"

Well, that fits so
sweetly into my fuck theme, I couldn't resist.

If you would like a shot at a set of "Come fuck me" pencils (from the fabulous
Carbon Crusader), please be sure to comment on this post! Now, for more about Uncover Me...

Uncover Me:



There's a heart inside every fantasy.




The photos are becoming a compulsion for Carrie. As soon as she wakes up, she feels the need to engage with the readers of her erotic website, Dirty Pictures. No matter how hard she tries to focus on her real life the need is always there. The high is knowing that men desire her.



One day a comment on her erotic website makes Carrie go cold: one of her readers, Brendan, has recognised a landmark in the window of one of her pictures. Brendan knows where to find her and has sent a tantalising private message. His invitation to play was so tempting in no time at all, in a variety of settings, their sensual adventures become wild. Her sexual and emotional reawakening reaches peaks she never imagined possible.



But Carrie finds it difficult to treat their relationship as casual. Terrified of heartbreak, she breaks off her affair with Brendan. Her previous relationship left her in tatters and she’s too scared to take such a chance again. Brendan endured a broken marriage so she’s not alone in her confusion and reticence. But can Carrie ever hope to be more than his fantasy girl?



Reviewers say, "It's hot, it's sexy, it's very raunchy and also has humor that can knock your socks off. Who doesn't love a book with all of the above?"



Read a little behind-the-scenes at Sommer Marsden

Delve into a delightful Q&A at Justine Elyot
Get saucy at Lucy Felthouse
Kink your kindle at Violet Blue

Now, before you rush off, I want to introduce you to A.M. Hartnett's latest series (available on July 31st): The Deep End (Carried Away, Book 1).

Finally, a mini bio: A.M. Hartnett published her first erotic short in 2006. Since then, she has been featured in several anthologies, including Cleis' Going Down, Sudden Sex, and Best Erotic Romance 2013.


XXX,

Alison

July 16, 2014

Let's Talk About Fuck


You know me and fuck. I love fuck. It's one of my favorite things to say, and (apparently) to title my blog posts with:

fuck you, fuck me
what the fuck...
fuck off
I'm not going to fuck you.
dropping the f-bomb
fuck yoga

And those are just some of my headers. I use "fuck" in 1468 posts. When I did a quick search on my laptop, 2,499 files come up featuring the word "fuck."

Which is probably why I was so surprised to see the reviews of Allie Brosh's fabulous Hyperbole and a Half that were focused (negatively) on her use of the word "fuck." (Her dedication even reads, "What now, fucker?")

I mean, fucking hell man, what is wrong with people? There are so many more serious issues to be aggressive about. "Fuck" is a only word. I love words. "Fuck" has a cadence, a hardness, a power. "Fuck" can't hurt you. A good fuck can make you feel like you're flying.

Granted, Hyperbole and a Half has nearly a perfect 5 star rating out of 2,000 reviews. So I'm sure Ms. Brosh's not complaining. I'm simply the person who likes to poke around and see what readers are saying on the high and low ends of things. And the problems with "fuck" baffled me:

"I was not aware of some of the language. It was offensive to me and feel there should be a warning in the description."

All right, so I'm the bastard who wishes there was a big gold warning star on the book that said: THIS BOOK CONTAINS THE WORD FUCK. ARE YOU HAPPY NOW, FUCKER?

In the sake of full disclosure, I will also say, I'm obsessed. I'll admit this freely. (For instance, I know that if you type in "fuck" on Amazon, you win 69,408 results. Did you know that?) Recently, Glamour published a write-up about a Saturday Night Live player who accidentally said "fuck" on her first show. In the magazine, Glamour referred to the word as f*ck. We all know she said "fuck." Why do we need the fucking asterisk? (I always read the word as "fick" or "feck" or "fock" when there's an asterisk.)

The New Yorker uses the word "fuck." (Thank fucking god. What a brilliant article!) The New Yorker treats us like we're adults.

What are we being protected from? I guess that's my real question. Are we back to the 80s era when Tipper Gore wanted to label the Filthy 15? Why not protect us from real issues—from being denied birth control. From being denied marriage.

I know that given my occupation I may be considered jaded. But at least I know the difference between a f*ck and a fuck.

XXX,
Alison