Sunday, September 07, 2008

Take your panties down...


and get comfortable. That's what she's doing, anyway. And doesn't she make you want to take off yours, too? I am a sucker for the slow strip tease. That piece by piece reveal. Not so much a burlesque show, but the concept of making out on the sofa for a little while, then losing the shirt. Kissing a bit longer, before unzipping the skirt. That sort of reverse puzzle effect of undressing.

Will you write me a piece on these images? Something short and sexy, down and dirty. I'll make it worth your while. You know I will. (If you do decide to take your panties down, arrange them in some avant-garde fashion and send a pic to msalisontyler at yahoo dot com for my Panty Parade!)

XXX,
Alison

P.S. Images are courtesy of Naked Chicks on Post-It Notes. I want to be on a Post-It note, too!

Saturday, September 06, 2008

Donna's Kinky Collection


My collection of collections continues! Donna George Storey sent in a pic of her collection of books:

Hi Alison,

So, here, floating on my bed, are most of my books that have to do with Japanese erotic prints, the geisha and courtesans of The Floating World of old, and the love hotels and "water trade" of today. I've raided these volumes—as well as my archive of personal photos—for the provocative images in my book trailer for my novel, Amorous Woman. Add to that my own memories of nights on the town in Kyoto's Gion, and I'd have to say my book trailer is the product of three very special collections from my days in Japan!


Take an Erotic Trip to Japan with Donna by viewing her hot new book trailer!

And don't forget to write me a little vignette for my New day, new piece of ass post. I'll announce winners tomorrow!

XXX,
Alison

P.S. If you have pictures of your panties (or panty drawers) to send, or snaps of your favorite collections, please email to msalisontyler at yahoo dot com. I'm a snoop. Sue me.

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Friday, September 05, 2008

New day, new piece of ass.


Piece of ART. I mean, Piece of Art. Clearly, I've been permanently affected by the sexy pictures on Naked Chicks on Post-it Notes!

I'm going to put on limits this time. Let's say 150 words max. (You don't need to hit the word count exactly. Just don't go over.) Winner will receive something, shall we say, Luscious.

XXX,
Alison

P.S. Please play along even if you have the book. I can always, um, insert a different prize for you.

Thursday, September 04, 2008

Will Pen Porn for Food


I mean, "will pen porn for art." Excuse me, what I really mean is "Will you pen porn for art?"

I believe I'm currently caught up with my contest booty. Seriously, I've mailed out every prize I promised—man, do they love me at the post office. (If you are missing something from me, drop me a note! Quick!)

So now what? A new contest, of course. I've teamed up with Naked Chicks on Post-It Notes, one of my favorite sites on the internet. He's letting me put up a piece of his art here—and I'm asking you to write erotic flashers about the art. I'll be giving away different prizes each day or so. (One prize will be one of his playful post-its!) Today's prize is Lipstick On Her Collar which just wrangled another fantastic review. (You have to scroll down to read the full review on the Erotica Revealed site.) Ashley Lister says:

Coming from those clever people at Pretty Things Press, including 22 scintillating short stories from an impressive collection of authors, Lipstick on Her Collar is one of those books that offers something new each time you slide between its pages.

So what are you waiting for? Gaze at the gorgeous picture, then write me a paragraph or so (I'm not going to be snippy on word counts) based on the art.

XXX,
Alison

Wednesday, September 03, 2008

feeling kind of horny


EllaRegina says:
Dear Alison,

Here, finally, is proof of DuckDelivery. He was landlocked in my mailbox for days and is now resting quietly at home, near liquids. I tried taking a self-portrait with my tongue-tip on his saxophone -- for history's sake. You know, like those Civil War re-enactments. Unfortunately I am short of tongue and his instrument was at the wrong angle for oral contact.

Luckily my pal Donald D. quickly came to my assistance. As it happened, he was feeling kind of horny himself -- clearly that bird is a little wound up. Right now I hear some very weird brassy high notes and see a tornado swirl of feathers across the room, as if there was a pillow fight. I'll see what's left when things settle and will report on the alchemical relationship between vinyl and tin. Thank you for the duck. It quacked my sh!t up!

xo

e


I'm laughing too hard to come up with anything clever to add!

XXX,
Alison

her dirtiest fantasies


I got a swell mention on Catalina Loves today, which included the line: "I love the discussion about whether or not she should wear her collar to work, and along with the breath play, I loved the way that he forces her to confess her dirtiest fantasies to him."

This was for my story in Dirty Girls called "Like a Good Girl." I think the piece is fairly filthy—faithful blog readers will remember a version I had up on this site about two years back. I'm thrilled Catalina liked the piece so much! You never know which stories are going to hit with readers.

XXX,
Alison

You've Found a Spanko!


Thank you to KM who sent me this link to the review of Spanked by Julian Robinson on Clean Sheets:

Alison Tyler's "Betty Crocker Gone Bad" begins with one of the sexiest garments of all: an apron worn by a woman wearing nothing else, and proceeds through creatively perverse applications of common cooking tools. (Do you know anyone whose kitchen walls display multiple wooden breadboards with hefty handles and whose utensil bins contain an excess number of large wooden spoons? Do they color uncontrollably at the word "spatula"? Ah hah! You've found a spanko.)

XXX,
Alison

Tuesday, September 02, 2008

The Meaning of Life


Hello lovely Alison,

I was delighted to have a package waiting for me when I cleared my PO Box yesterday! While I managed to hold off opening it until I got home, I promptly squeed and bounced when I found a BhudDuck nestled in bright blue bubble-wrap :)

As you can see in the attached photo, he already has a group of very interested listeners (which you may recognise them from the Great Duck Race of '08), and is currently holding a deep discussion on the meaning of life on top of the toilet cistern.

Thank you again for adding such zen to my duckie collection - you've made my week!

xx Dee


Have they all been accounted for now? We've seen the Pink Panther, and The Cowardly Lion. I know we heard that the flamingo arrived safely. Hmmm.... Who's holding out on us? We might have to start our own Ethics Committee.

XXX,
Alison

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Betty Crocker Gone Bad


Rachel Kramer Bussel's awesome new collection, Spanked, is reviewed this month on Erotic Readers and Writers. Reviewer Victoria Blisse says:

"Betty Crocker Gone Bad" by Alison Tyler is a story of the slow and sensual kind, the heat starts off at simmering point and slowly rises to a bubbling boiling climax.

Nearly every time I check my Yahoo Mail, up pops an ad for Betty Crocker. (The company is having a big contest right now.) I always have to laugh because I've managed to take something everyone would agree is totally wholesome and stir a bit of kink into the mix.

Of course, that's pretty much the story of my life.

XXX,
Alison

Monday, September 01, 2008

I'm Done!


No, really. I am! I made my deadline, turned in both Afternoon Delight and M Is for Master today. And if that news doesn't call for a fucking row of exclamation points, then I don't know what does!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

As soon as Cleis approves my line-up, I will post the table of contents for each collection. But for right now, anyone ready to do a shot?

XXX,
Alison

Stretch Me, Pull Me, Tease Me, Twirl Me...


For the September issue of ERWA, Ashley Lister reviews Rachel Kramer Bussel's Rubber Sex:

Alison Tyler, with "Rubbernecking," shows off her talents as a writer by teasing the reader with a rubberotic display of discovery and exhibitionism. "Rubbernecking" is one of those cheeky stories that keeps the reader smiling until the last sentence.

What a way to start the week!

XXX,
Alison

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Sunday, August 31, 2008

sex, punctuation, and shoes


Oh, man. Are these not to die for? I mean, they feed my need for glossy red. They meet Sophia's quest for peep-toes. And they've got that to-hell-and-back sexy stacked heel. But where are they from? There is no link!

Yes Timmy says:

I sort of like semi-colons; to me they are the oft misunderstood black sheep in the punctuation family. But what I REALLY like is a blog where people talk about sex, punctuation, and shoes! I recommend a frivilous expenditure on the red wedges (see attached photo) with cartoon-like graphic bottoms, and the ever-important ass showcasing height I have come to adore. Good luck with your deadlines!
Yes (and Yes and Yes!) Timmy


Ta very much Yes Timmy.
One deadline dead. One to go.

XXX,
Alison

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Unexpected Anal


That's all I'm saying. I mean, all work and no play makes Alison a dull girl. Right? Look at me being coy. Don't worry. I'll tell all soon enough.

But my deadlines are not just breathing down my neck right now. They're slathering on the lube. Thankfully, the end is in sight. (Pun very much intended.) I'm actually counting down the hours now.

So how did you spend your holiday weekend?

XXX,
Alison

Delectable Toes


Dear Alison Tyler,

Among my collection items one of my the favorite things is my Buddha. This one came a long way from India.

A tribute to inner peace, harmony, energy and tantric acchievement.
And that's my medidation spot where I can pat it with my feet.

Hare Krishna


I know the photo was sent as part of my collection of collections. But this picture makes me want to lick her toes. Is that wrong?

XXX,
Alison

Where's the Effing Sex?


A million years ago, I made an editor so angry that she called me up to yell at me. By the time I hung up the phone, I was in tears. I couldn’t understand why she was so upset until I went back through her guidelines and saw that I had done everything—I mean, literally everything—wrong. My story was written in 3rd person present, while she wanted 1st person past. Her max word count was 3,000. My piece was 4,400 words. She wanted sweet. The kink in my dangerous sex scene went well past her French Vanilla boundaries. You name the rule, I broke it.

What the fuck was wrong with me?

Truthfully? I liked the story, wasn’t paying much attention to the guidelines, and sent the piece off with a wish and a prayer. The way I did pretty much everything back then. I was always surprised (and extremely grateful) when someone took one of my stories—and I didn’t realize that following rules helped get a piece accepted.

But why was she livid? Why not simply send me a big fat NO and move on?

Because editors expect something useable. I’m not justifying the phone call, but I know that reaction in myself now. My editor had trusted me, counted on me, held a spot in the line-up of her book for me, and I’d failed. When I want to pub a piece, and the story strikes out, I can’t help but be annoyed. I’m hoping for winners. I dislike having to say no to people.

And yet what some editors (including me!) sometimes forget is that there are people behind the stories. People with feelings (not to segue off into some pathetic ballad). Recently, I had to reject several tales because the stories were about strangers while my call was for established couples. Seemed obvious to me why I couldn’t use the stories. Yet the hurt and angry ("Go fuck yourself!") response one writer gave me was baffling.

Until I remembered me.

Most likely, the writer meant to create a story about established couples, but his characters rebelled. Or he forgot the rules entirely and just sent me a story he loved. And I had the gall, the nerve, the balls (insert the right word here) to say no. How dare I?

Writing and editing is a difficult balance. I know that fuck you response you get when you’re turned down. This year, I was rejected flat out from a few places, cut from several anthologies I’d thought I had made it into, and denied something I really wanted. I had a piece accepted by a magazine, and yet when I went to look in the issue, the story simply wasn’t there. Poof! I know what NO feels like in all the shades of black.

So I do my best when I am on the rejecting side not to be arrogant or offensive. Not to say, like an editor said recently to me, “But where’s the effing sex?”

I’m a true Gemini. A split. I can straddle that line between writer and editor. I can see both sides of the equation. The part that wants to tell an editor to go fuck herself, and the part that wants to put on that strap-on and do the job right.

Hmmmm. There must be a story in there somewhere. I’ll just have to make sure there’s plenty of sex in it.

XXX,
Alison

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Saturday, August 30, 2008

Don't Get Me Started...


...on the semicolon. I'm not a big fan. (Sorry to all of you semicolon cheerleaders!) And I particularly dislike when people put semicolons in dialogue. But that's just me. I have to say that I am infatuated with all of the punctuation-themed attire I've found over the past few days. You know, when I'm not editing. Hang in there with me like a dangling participle. My deadline's in sight!

In fact, why not give me a little treat? How should I reward myself when I put the two books to bed? Send me links...

XXX,
Alison

Friday, August 29, 2008

Wish Me Luck


I put up the Comma Sutra post yesterday because I fucking love that shirt. But truly, I'm not hung up on commas. I get landlocked by story order. Each story needs to agree with the ones on either side. Do you know what I mean? I feel as if I've invited these guests to a dinner party. And I'm not going to sit the vegan next to an omnivore. (Although, I will say, I attended a wedding last year of a Democrative vegetarian bird watcher who married a Republican carnivore hunter. They are madly, wildly, terrifically in love. But it's odd to see them out sometimes. Because she will be looking at birds for their beauty. And he will be looking at birds with this expression on his face, like, "I could bag that." They were my inspiration for one of the couples in my "Measure A, B, or Me?" story in Stephen Elliott's Sex for America.)

Back to my book... The stories have to agree in theme, yes, but also in length. I don't like to put two ultra-shorts side by side, or two longs back to back. In Open for Business, I tried to capture a week at work. For Afternoon Delight, I'm attempting to piece together stories in clock-wise order. (This is one of those concepts that may work for me, but not for my publisher. So we'll just have to see.)

If I sound tense or scattered, it's because I have two books due on Monday, along with catalog copy for two more books due today. Wish me luck!

XXX,
Alison

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Drunkenish


This post is a lie. Not that I'm not drunk. Because I am. But I'm not drinking wine. I just didn't find a tequila picture that I liked. I feel as if I'm cheating, because this is really a picture Sommer should use. Not that she's drunkenish. She might be. I don't know. I just mean that she likes the red wine, while I'm much more about the clear drinks.

The only reason this post is not riddled with typos (and, hell, there might be some that have snuck by) is because the computer keeps highlighting them in red so I don't write "kown" instead of "know," like I just did.

All right. Back to work. Or bed. Or something.
XXX,
Alison

The Comma Sutra


I was working on the proof of one of my poems all the morning, and took out a comma. In the afternoon I put it back again.
Oscar Wilde

I swear, this is me today. I am editing Afternoon Delight for my Monday deadline. And when I finish, I am so buying this shirt!

XXX,
Alison

I Didn't Fuck the Dog


I swear. I don't even have a dog. But look what I found on my statcounter. Just look:

Num Perc. Search Term
3 23.08% erotic sex stories
2 15.38% alison tyler
1 7.69% enema and nurse and skirt and breast
1 7.69% how to give a sex spanking
1 7.69% i want hot trollop girl
1 7.69% i let my dog fuck me
1 7.69% fuck me porn
1 7.69% japanese bondage breasts sensation
1 7.69% erotic spanking stories
1 7.69% spanked and rectal thermometer
13 100.00%


What? I want you to do math? No. I just wanted to show the search words that lead people to my blog. And I have to ask, what on earth is it in my writing that would bring someone to me who types in "i let my dog fuck me." Oh, sure. *Now* I'm going to get hit with that all the time, as I've just imbedded the term into my world. But before? Was it my line about goat sex?

I blame EllaRegina totally for all that spanking rectal thermometer stuff, by the way. And you know, who doesn't want a hot trollop girl?

Still laughing.

XXX,
Alison

Long Live the Panty Parade



Three cheers for The Panty Parade! These pretty pics fell into my inbox this week.

Lovely Ms. Alison Tyler,
The panty parade seems to be slowing, so I send you my humble offerings. These are the panties I wear to another favorite parade of mine, The San Fransisco Gay Pride Parade. These were a gift from my gay best friend. I love how the rainbow jewels are heart-shaped. Another accessory often worn to Gay Pride are the rainbow suspenders in the second picture. While I have yet to clip my suspenders onto my panties while wearing them, they have definitely been unclipped to reveal that lovely g-string.
Hope to see the parade continue!
Cynner


Oh, I hope to see that, too. If you have pics of your panty drawer, or your panties on you, please send them to msalisontyler at yahoo dot com, and I will make you a star! (I mean, I will post them on my blogs.)

XXX,
Alison

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Make Way for the Siren...


Bacchus says:

Hey, I assume you've seen the source of the spiffy cover art for your "M" book, but just in case you haven't, I thought you might enjoy the magazine cover it came from.

Ta very much! That is way cool. Oh, also, Spanked just got a red hot review at The Good, The Bad, and the Unread. Congrats, Rachel!

XXX,
Alison

A really hot guy fucking my really hot guy...



... who's fucking me.

The polls are closed. Bella's fantasy won. Just in case you missed her write-up, here it is:

When I first met my boyfriend, I had this obsession with the bartender at the place we hung out. My boyfriend is tall and lean with dark hair and green eyes. But this guy was taller and rangy. Dirty blond hair and a square jaw and big ice blue eyes. He was a snowboarder and had the body to show it. When my boyfriend was fucking me, I would (very vividly) see this guy fucking *him* in my mind's eye. So a three way of epic proportions. M/M action and I was involved! Something that never really appealed to me until my mind paired up these two. This really handsome snowboard guy fucking my guy while he was fucking me. Looking over my guys' shoulder to see another face in the mix. And of course we were fucking in the bar. Where else would it be happening? :)

Nothing earth shattering to confess, I guess. But a fantasy that has certainly been used well and revisited often. Over the years the third partner- the other guy- has changed in my mind. I've had family friends, the oil man, my sister's boyfriend, and the butcher (I swear) in that role. But the appeal never diminshes. A really hot guy fucking my really hot guy who's fucking me.


I can appreciate her line about the third partner changing. Because that is how things work in my fantasies, too. The man bending me over and spanking me—well, the position's been filled in real life for quite a few years, but the star of that role in my fantasies changes with my whims. If all the men who had ever spanked me in my mind were to stop by at once, I think a line would run around the block.

God, I think I just invented a brand-new fantasy. A line of guys all ready to take their turn, not fucking, but spanking me. Look, there's Adrian from the high-end grocery store on Montana. And Paul, part-time bartender, part-time lead singer. And Jason, who one time jump-started my car....

Excuse me. I'll be back in a bit....

XXX,
Alison

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Vote for your favorite naughty fantasy...



All right, I'm having too much fun reading the fantasies to decide for myself. So you've got to help me. Read the full pieces in the comments on this post and on this one. Then vote for your favorite one.



I hope I haven't made this too confusing! I'm a big sleep-deprived at the moment. The winner will receive the darling leather cuffs and the copy of Learning to Love It in Spanish.

Good luck!

XXX,
Alison

Monday, August 25, 2008

So he's fucking me on my desk...


...on top of my Webster's New World College Dictionary. The edge is digging into my ribcage, and all I can think of is: "I wonder what page we're on?"

Wanna know?

extrinsically/eyelet

Extrinsic: not really belonging to the thing with which it is connected

Eyelet: a small hole for receiving a rope, cord, hook, etc.

I kid you, fucking, not.

XXX,
Alison

P.S. I hope I'm not the only one who finds this funny!
P.P.S. This "I'm a Sexy Nerd" ring is what comes up with you type "sexy" + "dictionary" into ETSY.

too fucking hard...


I mean, have you ever tried to take a picture of yourself while wearing handcuffs? I swear, it's fucking impossible. But my point is that the cuffs came! The scarlet leather cuffs that I ordered from JT's Stockroom. And I'm ready to give them away. What do you have to do for a shot to win? Post me a fantasy. Can be a line. Or an image. Or a paragraph describing your sexiest experience ever—the time you replay again and again in your mind.

Like the night Tim and I fucked in the middle of an athletic field in Bath, England. Oh, yes, and time I had sex in a freight elevator with (one of my many) grocery store crushes. Or the evening I tried to take a picture of myself while wearing red leather cuffs, and Sam walked into the room and decided to, um, help.

Now, you.

XXX,
Alison

Sunday, August 24, 2008

Oooh, you're so dirty...


Every once in awhile (generally when I'm supposed to be doing something else), I poke around on my statcounter to see which words or phrases have brought readers to my site. Recently? A whole slew of searches for dishwashing gloves. Am I the diva of dirty dishwashing glove stories?

Who knew?

Here is the ad copy for the gloves shown above:

Slip into something a lot more appealing with these Couture Dishwashing Gloves ($17). Made of red rubber, the gloves are accented with red and white print ruffles and allow you to make a serious fashion statement, right there in your kitchen!

You had me at "red rubber."

XXX,
Alison

On every cute fedora

Jeremy says:
"I would preen and lavish flora
On every cute fedora—I'd demonstrate my lerve.
Oh, the hats I'd be courting
And the socks I would be sporting
If I only had the nerve."

Saturday, August 23, 2008

Those Shoes


A few days ago, "Yes Timmy" commented on my fantasy post and said:

I just bought the most beautiful, gorgeous pair of 5 inch zebra print stripper heels on the planet (seriously), and yet my new love has errands to do. What the fuck? I need to know what vibe I'm giving off that says, "be aloof - it's okay."

And I begged for a picture. Well, look what begging gets you:

Hi Alison.
I love, love, love your blog. Here is a photo of "those shoes" (bought at zappos.com - this is their photo). New guy has yet to see in person, although now he's dying to. Go figure. I'm making him wait a bit (errands ... hmmmf). I don't usually wear heels this high, but man alive, I'm planning to make it a habit now. They throw your body into a really sexy posture ... instantly. Will be wearing with a pencil skirt, at least in public!
Take care, Alison.
:-) Yes Timmy
PS - Zappos shipped for free - and (sensing how hot I was feeling for the shoes I guess?) overnight.


Wow, right? I mean, well, wow.

XXX,
Alison

Just for You



So, you know, I packaged up five ducks and sent them on their way to the winners of the duck hamper contest. But I didn't pay attention (on purpose) to which duck went where.

KM said:
Hi Alison,

A picture—just for you. My silly way of saying thanks a gazillion for the Pink Panther rubber fun!

Thanks again (And I am working my way through the amazing books. Sticky Fingers! Wow! And the alphabet series....I already have a special shelf for my future A-Z collection.)

"We call him the juggler. I've never really known a man like him. He can keep 10 girls in the air at once and make each one happy."
--The Pink Panther, 1963


But I wrote to her to ask if "just for you" could mean "just for us," and sweetly, she agreed.

Is that one hot shot, or what?

XXX,
Alison